A question for a friend

Hello! I’m baaack!

I decided ti move my blog to Afrihost and it’s taken forever to get it sorted (through no fault of Afrihost)

So, I need to ask your opinions on something:

I have a friend that has met this guy that no-one seems to approve of. She quite likes him, so I offered to put some of his details up and get your opinions.

I haven’t met him, so I can’t give my opinion either way, but if you had to meet someone at a party and this is the life story that emerges, what would you think?

Here goes:

He is very religious.

He is 10 years older than her.

He is studying theology at the moment.

He has 2 kids.

He has been married (and divorced) twice.

He sold everything 2 years ago after his second divorce.

He stays in a room in someone’s house for free.

He doesn’t drive a car.

He hasn’t had a steady job in 2 years.

He lives from money being paid into his bank account by random people from the church whilst he is on this religious journey.

This church is not a mainstream church.

And lastly: the night he met my friend he told her that he was going to marry her.

I am not in a position to venture my opinion, but would very much appreciate yours.

Aaaaaaand GO!

40 thoughts on “A question for a friend”

  1. p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px ‘Lucida Grande’}

    Jaaaaaa…. run away as far and fast as she can!!

    Sounds dodgy!

  2. The ultimate question for judgement. What’s behind asking this? What does it mean to you and “everybody else” that this makes it into a blog post? That’s the real question. 

    If you’d asked if I was interested to meet the guy based on this description I’d say yes if I was interested in studying the background and what gives and no if I was looking for a date 😉
    To answer the question what I’d think: that here seems to be a perfect example of a lost soul trying to figure out this thing called life and not having much to show for it to other people. 

    1. Hi Bettina, thank you for your thoughts. Please rest assured that this was written with the full knowledge and participation of the friend in question as she is also confused. There’s nothing in it for me, and as I said, I haven’t met this person.

  3. tell your friend to run. sure if she digs deep he has had intense (read unhealthy) relationships with food/money/sex/drugs/gambling before. and now it’s religion. and before long it’ll be something else. i know so many people like this. looking for meaning. 

  4. Just as long as your friend knows she’ll be the MAIN provider in the family if she marries him and that it can take a longggggg time for him to finish his studies … and it will all be about ‘him’ … I’d be very careful if someone comes up to me and says on the 1st night … you are the girl I’m going to marry … as my dad says God gave us ‘commonsense’ use it … get to know the guy … peoples true colors seem to start shining through in long term relationships … there is no need to rush into ‘marriage’ unless your friend is very insecure … in the end I can promise you she’s going to do what she wants to do … no matter who disapproves or approves of him :o)

  5. Dump his @$$ so fast – the children she will not be having with him – their heads will spin!  Seriously, hasn’t held a job in 2 years, has 2 failed marriages, if he couldn’t make it work twice before, I believe 3rd lucks a charm … hell no girlfriend!  DUMP HIM!

    Of Course he said he was going to marry her on the first day, I’m assuming your friend has a car (and can drive) and has a job – he needed another person to pick up the tab!

    Completely Impartial
    Collette in Cape Town … http://zenith-thinking.blogspot.com

    1. Collette I’m feeling you on this one. My husband’s brother used to date only girls that could provide for him. Meaning girls with cars, houses and good steady jobs while he sits at home writing a novel (which after 15 years has still not realiased).

      As soon as they realise he is a useless piece fo shit and kicks him out of the house he moves onto his next victem. He was also smart he chose the really ugly (but rich) ones who nobody else would date. So they were gullable to all of his wooing and compliments and kisses. Fell for him hook, line and sinker!

      So my advise will be to remain friends but dating is out of the question.

  6. So he had a life before he met her, I’m sure she had one as well. Some of us just gather lots of ‘rubish’ along the way, some of us have skeletons in our cupboards, some have grave yards in our cupboards. He has a grave yard in his cupboard or cupboards.

    Does love ask for cars, banking accounts ect, no. Does love ask for age, no. Why is it so strange then that someone can from the first ‘meeting’ be sure that he/she intends marrying someone. If that has not happened to one of us, it does not mean it cannot happen.

    For those who posted comments and are married, if your other half took four years to ‘pop’ the question do you know him better now or then? Well, i’m sure you still getting to know him, this getting to know will last for a very, very long time. 

    At least one thing is positive, he told her the truth of his past. 

    If one wants to be funny one may ask, is she a virgin? Can you see where we going to end up, we all have skeletons and some have grave yards in our cupboards.

    I would suggets that she finds out more about him from other persons who was/is close to him. If she has any feelings towards him which i think she does, look at the divorce papers as to the reasons why he was divorced. Sometimes, some of us are just unlucky at this thing called love.

    Please note, i’m not backing him, nor her, but looking at this from lives experiences.
    Nathan      

    1. Hi Nathan,
      some very valid points, thank you. As far as I know she hasn’t met any of his previous partners or even his children yet, which in itself might be telling.
      But I hear what you are saying.

  7. At 20 love is blind – I remember telling L that I would live on a shack on the beach with him when we first met.  At 40 love needs to provide a home, be a good dad, be a good role model, be a awesome husband.  We all make mistakes, often repeating the same ones.  May I be so bold as to suggest that your friend prays for guidance on this.  Maybe God has a plan for both of them and maybe that plan is for them to be together, or maybe not?  LOL!

    1. Hi Kirsten, I know she has been praying about it, not sure if she has an answer yet. Will ask 🙂

  8. I am always one to live by the “do not judge” rule, but gosh, the track record and now situation…. (has she read “the Glass Castle?”

    Run girl run, as fast as Forest did.

  9. I suppose to answer fairly we would need to know a bit more about your friend! 

    I have a friend who wouldnt mind dating a guy like this – but I personally wouldnt. I could maybe look past everything except the lack of permanent or stable or any form of job!

  10. Hmmm, now I do believe God can show you things in an instant BUT there are tons of scriptures in the Bible about “if a man doesn’t work, he doesn’t eat” and so on.

    Sorry for me, he needs to be a bit more independent. The relationship (as it were) feels too unequal. If I were coaching your friend, I’d say don’t get into anything yet. If she feels like he has potential, then he needs to get with it and “grow up” a little bit first.

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