I’ve been having a long, hard think about this blog, about my reasons for blogging and what I get out of it.
Let’s be honest. Most of us that blog (myself included) do it because, deep down, we love the attention/crave feedback/need someplace safe to vent. We thrive on the comments and the collective outrage when something goes wrong. Some people even make shit up, post terrible anonymous comments on their own blogs or re-publish old posts because they need the traffic it will generate or because people weren’t outraged enough first time around. (sadly, this is true)
I specifically chose not to make the blog commercial, instead opting to write when I want and what I want. (I won’t bore you with the standard “I don’t have enough time anyway” excuse). It’s not important how many people visit the site or how many comments are left, although I do love them. What’s always been important is to be true, honest and authentic, and right now I can’t be those things because I have no control over who is reading. There is a post about religion sitting in my drafts FOR A YEAR I haven’t had the guts to post lest I offend too many people. That post (and then some) is like that stupid piece of Lego you step on in the middle of the night, a constant reminder that I’m not entirely authentic anymore.
The other reason I blog is to leave memories for our children, but somewhere along the line the lines got blurred between wanting to write good content and leaving a trail of shiny stones for the kids about the beautiful triviality of everyday life in our house and the awesomeness of who they are and how much we treasure them.
Lately there has been a lot that I haven’t been able to talk about, not because things aren’t well, but because I feel too exposed. More and more I find that people know everything about my life because they read it on my blog and I know nothing about theirs. It has an impact on my friendships, it has become disconcerting when I meet new people and they say “So glad you managed to sort X and X out, I read about it on your blog. Oh, and nice to meet you”. Or, even worse, they’ve read my blog, have already put me in a box and don’t tell me. That freaks me out just a little.
It is however fantastic when I meet someone and they say “thank you for talking about X, it made me face XYZ”. When I have those conversations I’m blown away that I had a positive impact on someone’s life.
But is it enough?
I’m sick of spam.
I’m sick of being someone’s punching bag.
I surround myself with people that are positive, interesting and brave in real life, why should I let random trolls on the Internet (and above is not the only example) upset me. So what if I like making pretty things and not being a good Mom/Wife causes me endless anxiety. The rude comments cause me more anxiety, they must go. Not because I don’t value feedback and cannot handle criticism, but because there’s no need to be a doos about it.
Lastly and absolutely the most important reason: Our children are very adept at Google, especially Daniel. He asked me recently what he would find if he Googled me and I told him that he would find a blog where I write about how much I love him and the Sussies. But there comes a time when you can’t talk about your children as openly as you used to, it’s not fair to them.
So. I’m making this blog private, I’m taking it out of the public eye. Going solar, off the grid.
If you want to continue reading I’m happy to invite you to read and you will receive a notification when I do post something, but I will no longer be publishing to Social Media and I’m unsubscribing everyone that is currently subscribed.
Just leave me a comment from the email address you want to use and I’ll set it up, otherwise request from the page that will come up when you visit the site from Friday.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.