I have been trying to write a post on being a Recovering Control Freak for a very long time, but I haven’t been able to get it Just Right.
Because in many ways I am a Recovering Control Freak, but in most ways I’m not.
Let me paint you the picture:
When it comes to home stuff I don’t see myself as a huge control freak, probably because the balance of that lies more with Etienne. Not that he’s a control freak, he just has a wonderful ability to bring discipline, order and humour into our house. And he doesn’t mind cleaning up the playroom which I avoid like the plague. (I hate that room, but that’s a whole other blog post). And my poor husband probably feels like I don’t carry my share of the load.
I have realised of late that I’m a work control freak type person. With a direct correlation of how much out of control I feel at home. Take this morning for example:
Every morning Mignon fights us and says she doesn’t want to wear anything warm because she “wants to be sick” and I can never understand why. Usually we weedle and negotiate until we eventually get something warm on her. But this morning she was having none of it. She was NOT putting anything warm on and she was NOT going to school, especially as Daddy was dropping her off and not Mommy. There was snot and trane (tears) and a special moment of sobbing and hugging and I realised
a. she thinks if she’s sick Mommy will stay home with her and
b. she just wants her Mommy.
And then I came to work and started planning my day and how to keep everything here under control and realised with shock and horror that the more out of control I feel about managing my time with my kids and how much they need me, the more I have this intense need to control my work environment.
Because maybe I am just really not a Recovering Control Freak, just an Aware Control Freak.
And now I shall pull myself toward myself and get on with my day. I’m determined to make it a good one!