Lazy blogger

Some oldies, but all still funny 🙂


The Zen of Sarcasm

1. D
o not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.

Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.

3.  It’s always darkest before dawn.
So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable.  If you can’t be replaced,
you can’t be promoted.

5. A
lways remember that you’re unique.
Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,

you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

9 . If at first you don’t succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.

10
.   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11.  If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12
. If you tell the truth,
you don’t have to remember anything.

13. S
ome days you’re the bug;
some days you’re the windshield.

 
14. Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.

19 . Generally speaking, you’re not learning much
when your lips are moving
.

20. E
xperience is something you don’t get
until just after you need it.

21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND

22
. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

23 thoughts on “Lazy blogger”

  1. Glad you’re being a lazy blogger – these are fun. I need to remind myself of number 16 before I say something I’ll regret later.

  2. Wahahaha Love it! Thought I had a special one but no loved all of it. But how true is that borrowing someone money thing, good investment lol

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