Mother story contd.

I had a small epiphany over the weekend regarding my Mother.

I am forever getting pissed off because she isn’t that involved, is forever too sick or too busy or too involved in one of my crazy sister’s problems.  I always marvel at how my inlaws, that are almost 20 years older than my parents, are always willing and available to help cart kids or sit with them etc.  Not that that can feed them or bath them (or, God forbid, change a nappy), but sometimes you just need another adult body around and they are great for that.

I have always expected my Mom to be able to “Mother”, to be able to take care of my kids.  And I just realised this weekend that maybe she’s just not that kind of Grandmother and that maybe I just expect too much of her.

So, I changed my expectations of her to ZERO. And I’m actually completely ok with it.  It is far too draining to be angry at her.

She called me yesterday and started apologizing how she wasn’t going to be able to see them this week blah blah blah and I said that we were around, and there was no pressure, we didn’t expect anything, but that she was always welcome to pop in.  And as the words came out of my mouth I was already bracing myself for the inevitable call from my Dad berating me for upsetting her (once again), but I was also listing to my tone with her and I was surprised that I sounded genuine and not pissed off or angry.

What a load off me!

(just had a call from her saying that she has popped by the house, made me smile)

5 thoughts on “Mother story contd.”

  1. That’s wonderful Tania! I did that with my dad about 5 years ago, our whole relationship has changed since I let go of the anger. I so love spending time with him now.

  2. Thanks for this. I had a whole thing with my Mom about 4 years ago and also had to let go of a lot of stuff from my childhood, but you have to keep on reminding yourself sometimes…
    Which reminds me, I still want to do a Reiki post, am a bit nervous, might get some negative comments…

  3. I did this with my in-laws who live close but are not involved,expecting nothing means when they do something it’s such a surprise and you also don’t get disappointed either

  4. My mom and dad never come visit me. I have to go visit them in Stellenbosch so that Daniela can at least get to know them. It makes me upset sometimes, but for Daniela’s sake I try and let it go. I know what you mean about letting go stuff from your childhood. I just know that I am going to be a different parent with Daniela

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