Lately we have been worried about money. We aren’t destitute, but things have been rather tight. And we know that change is on the horizon, but when you need to pay the bills this month and start worrying about where the money will come from next month it gets a bit tough on the nerves.
To my husband’s credit he has not once become ratty or moody or snappy about it. He just always asks how much, we look between our bank accounts and somehow come up with it.
But I have been losing sleep. A lot of sleep. For the first time in my life I suffer from insomnia, something I could never understand in other people. I lie in bed and read for hours and then, when I switch the light off and close my eyes I start thinking. And then I’m wide awake and pissed off. A very, very dis-empowering and useless emotion to have at 02h00 in the morning, let me tell you.
I have been taking some homeopathic stuff that has been helping thank goodness and trying to take care of what needs to be done. But I have been feeling unmotivated and disorganised. And a little desperate. Which translated to a lot of comfort food.
I decided to break the cycle and have addressed some of the stuff, but I didn’t realise that my Dad was picking up on so much of my angst until he asked if he could pop around today. And proceeded to sit me down and talk me through it and ask where he can help. And that he cannot bear seeing me look so stressed out. Of course there were many, many tears and high drama.
Because you grow up and you think you have to be grown up and have it all together and that your parents are no longer responsible for you or your well being. And I’ve always been the ‘low maintenance’ child, so I never want to burden my folks with my crap.
But I am so very grateful he came and I am so lucky to have him as my Dad. I needed to have a little meltdown in order to move forward I think.
So, here’s to better days!