On surviving infertility

Disclaimer: this is a small look into the mind of one infertile. It’s not pretty, but it’s honest. Go ahead, judge away, I don’t care.

A lovely someone was telling me recently that his wife is pregnant and it that happened in their very first month month of trying. He was a little gobsmacked and elated that it happened so quickly.

We chatted about babies and how it changes your life and I wanted to reach over the table and give him the biggest hug, I was THAT happy for him.

I am grateful that they didn’t have to go through the drama of trying and trying and waiting, of unsuccessfully peeing on sticks, laparoscopies, being poked and prodded, the removal of dodgy Fallopian tubes and the roller-coaster of IVFs. That their marriage wouldn’t be tested and no bitter tears would be shed when everyone you hold dear fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. (And we were luckier than most people battling with infertility.)

I wasn’t a happy person when we couldn’t have babies, looking back at that time there was a lot of mere existing going on. It felt like my life was mocking my inability to conceive and it was hard to be happy for my dearest friends having the beautiful, beautiful babies that I could not.

But for the first time I realised after chatting with that very lucky guy (who is going to be a GREAT Dad by the way) that the hurt is gone. I am genuinely, 100% happy that it worked first time for them.

It was the most liberating feeling to know that I’ve let all that hurt and anger go and that in its place there is only these things: joy, gratitude and love.

Buckets and buckets of love.

8 thoughts on “On surviving infertility”

  1. I always listen in awe when I hear people say “Well I will stopped taking the pill in January then we fell pregnant in February”. For me my pregnancies were always shocks and complete disbelief…..”Seriously ?Pregnant…..really, are you sure?”
    I also realise that all the many years of waiting to have babies seem so long ago and so irrelevant when I look at our 3 gorgeous girls that are just too grownup already.

  2. I love that you are so completely healed, I have found that Kade and my subsequent pregnancy have also healed me of many of my infertility scars, that said I do sometimes find that there is something that reminds me of those times and HOW dark they were and I realise that there is still much more healing to be done.

    We are still working to fix the damage that 7 years of infertility did to the deepest reaches of our marriage and whilst we are much, much better we still have a ways to go.


    1. The pain is hard, then it is there, then it lingers and then, one day, it is simply gone.

      I hear you on fixing the marriage, it takes a while. Xxx

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