Parenthood and friendships

Sometimes being a parent can be a little lonely. 

If I look back at the people I had in my life 4 years ago vs now, the picture is very different.  Back then I used to be a bit of a party animal and smoker and, much to the dismay of my husband, used to hang out with work friends most Friday nights.  I used to belong to a book club.  I used to leave the house at 06h15 most mornings and work until 7pm most nights and then some weekends. I was a top performer and always flexible and available.

These days I mostly get to the office at 09h00 and make it home by 17h00 because I need to travel at least an hour each way and want to be home to take care of 3 kids.  I cannot bear the thought of not seeing them for a whole day.  This also means that I have to put in additional hours at night to catch up (and blog!!).  I am not available to do trips all over the countryside anymore.

I am no longer available for drinks or bookclub, so people stopped inviting me.  And sometimes, just sometimes I wish they would just ask, even though they know I will probably say no.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my life and I won’t trade it for anything and I have made some great friends in the last few years, I just sometimes wonder at the fickleness of people.  I always think that if I am friends with you today, I’ll make the effort to be friends with you tomorrow, but it would seem that this is not always the case.

I love having people over, I don’t mind feeding 2 or 12 people.  Hubby on the other hand is a bit of a recluse and could quite happily stay home all weekend and not see anyone but us.  We have had some “interesting” conversations around this, especially lately, as I feel like I have woken up from a slumber and can now start facing people again socially as the first year after having twins was really a mindfaak.

5 thoughts on “Parenthood and friendships”

  1. I know that feeling – I miss my Friday afternoon drinks…
    I have managed to stick with the bookclub as the group willingly changed to weekends / public holidays so that I can join in. I only miss a few months inbetween …

    but, yeah, I know the feeling of a friendship circle changing with babies.

  2. Ja, things change when you have kids. I found that I was the one always trying to keep in touch, and after not hearing from a few friend for months, I resigned myself to the fact that they had moved on, and so should I. It sucks though. My husband is the same as yours, would rather stay in and see no-one. My life is so boring now. Sigh.

  3. I have no idea how you do it with 3 kids! And the friends will catch up, they are probably just so in awe of you 🙂

  4. Ag, thanks man! One of my remaining friends always says: Some you leave behand and some you drag along. I think you learn the difference 🙂

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