I have been sitting on this blog post for days now, not sure if I should post it, but it seems everywhere around me people are going through similar situations. As you know, I’ve never been one to shy away from saying it as I see it, so here goes. I’m laying it bare and all I ask is that you keep me to it, ok?
There has been a lot of noise on twitter about choosing your word for 2012. After much pondering about what I could possibly choose I have come with the word “POWER”.
In the last couple of weeks I have made a couple of life-changing realisations about myself, mostly because I acted differently in a conflict situation with someone close to me. I now know the truth about some things about my family and that impacts on how I see myself. And how I see my place in the world as a result.
I have accepted that I am a terrible people-pleaser. I now know that I actually hate conflict, despite being all gung-ho and loudmouthed in real life. I mask being insecure by being bitchy. I am afraid, deep inside, to give my opinion because God forbid someone should stop liking me.
Things are about to change.
I have woken up to the fact that, because I was made to feel that I shouldn’t rock the boat and keep the peace I have ended up with so much self-loathing and feeling powerless I can almost taste the bitterness and anger. And the cycle is endless and relentless.
Brace yourself as I’m certain there will be a little OTTness initially until I find a balance that works. (That, and I plan on listening to A LOT of Alanis Morissette)
I have decided that 2012 is my year of power.
I am taking back my power.
I am taking back control of my body.
I am taking back power of the words I use.
I am taking back the power of the thoughts I choose to think.
I am taking back the power of how I see myself in relation to the world.
I am taking back the power to be honest instead of nice.
I am going to stop taking everything so damn personally.
So there you have it, 2012 is my Year of Power.