Power is me

I have been sitting on this blog post for days now, not sure if I should post it, but it seems everywhere around me people are going through similar situations.  As you know, I’ve never been one to shy away from saying it as I see it, so here goes.  I’m laying it bare and all I ask is that you keep me to it, ok?

There has been a lot of noise on twitter about choosing your word for 2012.  After much pondering about what I could possibly choose I have come with the word “POWER”.

In the last couple of weeks I have made a couple of life-changing realisations about myself, mostly because I acted differently in a conflict situation with someone close to me.  I now know the truth about some things about my family and that impacts on how I see myself.  And how I see my place in the world as a result.

I have accepted that I am a terrible people-pleaser.  I now know that I actually hate conflict, despite being all gung-ho and loudmouthed in real life. I mask being insecure by being bitchy.  I am afraid, deep inside, to give my opinion because God forbid someone should stop liking me.

Well.

Things are about to change.

I have woken up to the fact that, because I was made to feel that I shouldn’t rock the boat and keep the peace I have ended up with so much self-loathing and feeling powerless I can almost taste the bitterness and anger.  And the cycle is endless and relentless.

Brace yourself as I’m certain there will be a little OTTness initially until I find a balance that works.  (That, and I plan on listening to A LOT of Alanis Morissette)

I have decided that 2012 is my year of power.

I am taking back my power.

I am taking back control of my body.

I am taking back power of the words I use.

I am taking back the power of the thoughts I choose to think.

I am taking back the power of how I see myself in relation to the world.

I am taking back the power to be honest instead of nice.

I am going to stop taking everything so damn personally.

So there you have it, 2012 is my Year of Power.

5 thoughts on “Power is me”

  1. Your honesty humbles me. You have already taken back your power by posting this blog. I salute you.

  2. I am always so taken aback by the fact that your blog and mine seem linked by themes (unbeknownst) … It must be something about the North (both you and I live in the Northern burbs)!

    I was particularly intrigued by your second paragraph about your word for 2012 … Read my post from 28 Dec 2011 …

    http://zenith-thinking.blogspot.com/2011/12/what-is-your-word.html

    But I admire your passion … And you feel like a determined woman!!! So go do it!!!!

    I was particularly excited about “taking back the power of the words I use”!!!!!! Love it!!!

    Everything of the best for 2012 and more power to u!!!

    Warm regards
    Collette in Cape Town

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