To my Husband, on our 15th anniversary

I’ve never really been good at remembering dates, but in the days coming up to this, our 15th wedding anniversary, I’ve been thinking about our life together so far.

15 Years is a lot of life to share, it’s about a third of our lives so far, and, by far, the best.

People that know us often comment on how amazing you are and they’re completely right, you are.

I love how you supported and cherished me through infertility, never giving up on me, even though I sometimes did.

I love that you respect me, even though we may not always agree. The feeling is entirely mutual.

I love that you see past all the railway tracks on my body that are the result of 2 pregnancies, of which one resulted in a rather large set of twins.

I love that you sometimes let me have things my own way, even though you must, at the time, know that I’m not making the right decision. And that you never, ever say “I told you so”.

I love how you are with our kids. That you are the (more) active listener of the two of us. That you WANT to spend time with us.

I love that we are always, ALWAYS, your first priority.

I love that you are forever talking to the kids and, oftentimes, are better able to get a point across to them. That I’m safe in the knowledge that you will back me up, even though we might not always agree.

I love that we share a love for music and books and good food and that we can foster that same love within our kids.

I love that you know when I need to talk and when I need space and that you never, never make me feel bad for needing either.

I love how I can rely on the fact that we always, together, make a plan, no matter what challenges we are presented with.

I love how you just get on with it, when I sometimes want to take a moment (or a day, or a week) to whine and feel sorry for myself. Or when the Dark Dog of Depression lurks in my shadow.

I love that you make sure our lives tick over without drama, kids’ schedules and meals sorted when I am often running around in circles in my head.

I love that you are living the best example of being a good man (and just generally a decent human being) to our son and daughters, that this will enable them to not compromise or underestimate their own worth as they grow older.

I love your sense of humour, your joy, it’s contagious.

But mostly, I love that you’re my anchor. That, no matter which crazy plan I hatch or how mad things are or sad or happy I am, you’re always there, the constant in my life.

Lief jou xx



12 Things I Love About My Husband

Why 12 things I hear you ask? Quite simply, because today we celebrate our 12 year anniversary and I had to stop somewhere.

I think it was Khalil Gibran that said*: ‘Love that does not grow every day is busy dying’. When I look back over the last 12 years and specifically this time of year, every year, when I do some introspection about being married, I feel like I love my husband a lot more this year than I did last year. Did I love him more last year than I did the year before? Possibly not as much as I realized at the time as I was not ok myself. But this year my self-loathing is a little more in check, so my own capacity to love is bigger. (I’m hoping this doesn’t sound completely crazy and self-involved, there really is a point to this)

So anyway, there are some very specific things I love about Etienne, some I mention a lot and some I don’t.

1. His humanity. He will feed every single person that comes to our door if he could.
2. His complete uninterestedness in ‘stuff’. He doesn’t need to drive a fancy car or wear expensive clothes to feel good about himself. It really is just stuff to him.
3. His capacity to love. All of us that live in this house know exactly how much he loves us and he shows us every single day in a myriad of different ways. Whether he is cooking a favourite meal or brushing a child’s teeth, he does it as an expression of love, not as a chore that requires effort.
4. His ability to be organised. He is the one that makes sure we have a menu for the week and mostly cooks supper. He is the one that makes sure that we stay afloat financially. He is the one that goes to the library, takes out the trash and sorts out the bills I forget to pay because I had my head in the clouds (or up my bum).
5. He listens. I can complain about something in our relationship and he will actually actively try to change whatever I was unhappy about.
6. He would rather talk through a problem than let it hang, unresolved. I freak him out because I’m a master sulker and the Queen of The Silent Treatment.
7. He doesn’t hold a grudge. He is one of the most unconditionally forgiving people I have ever had the privilege to know.
8. He doesn’t get mad easily. And then, even when he does, he only gets sad, not aggressively mad.
9. He doesn’t stay mad. He is really good at getting it out and getting on with life.
10. He is affectionate. He spoons, he says “I love you”, he cuddles on the couch, he holds my hand.
11. He actually enjoys talking, he asks about my day. He listens and offers advice and doesn’t take it personally when I don’t listen (see point above about me having my head in the clouds or up my bum or stuck in my cellphone)
12. Lastly, he is an incredible Father. His children feel treasured and safe and love and cherished and listened to, much like his wife does. He sets the example that they will hopefully end up like as adults, because that was all they knew to be.

I look forward to growing old with this wonderful, wonderful man I am blessed with.

Lief jou!

*for the life of me I cannot find that quote anywhere