Tag: Daniel

Love Bombing – Episode 1

Friday night was our first Love-bomb Friday in the series of 3 and here are some observations (Daniel was with us, Mignon at my Mom’s house and Isabel with Etienne’s folks):

The Man. On the way to drop his sister off at Granny.
  1. 1 child is A LOT more quiet than 3.  As in, there was an echo in our house.  The silence was awesome and horrifying in equal measure.
  2. That echo was however filled by Daniel’s really bad, open-mouthed chewing.  I’m now wondering if he always eats like this and I just haven’t noticed it?  Are the girls really THAT noisy at night that it masks this horrific sound?
  3. There is also a very real possibility that the kids really just need to spend one-on-one time with me. Daniel wanted me to do most things with him, including going to see Ice Age 4 on Saturday morning.  I love being with him, but I’m not a fan of animation (as in: I would rather stick pens in my eyes) so I was a little surprised when I actually enjoyed the movie.  He was in his element, chewing his popcorn and smarties (eek!) and, wait for it, Crème Soda (triple eek!!)
  4. Children are very quick to take a gap.  I was also dragged into a toy shop in Tygervalley where I was promptly instructed to buy stuff.  This did not end very well, partly for my bank account, but mostly for Daniel.
  5. Don’t for one millisecond think that they will sleep later because they are by themselves.  We thought he would sleep until at least 7h30, so imagine our horror when he reported to our room, wide awake, at 5h40.  We were not amused.
  6. On the topic of sleeping, apparently not much of it was done by Mignon at my Mom’s house as she was awake at 04h45.  Saturday evening was great fun.  NOT.  They were a gaggle of hysterical screamers until they eventually passed out at 8pm.  My ears are still ringing.

BUT

Yesterday morning I heard Daniel being really kind to his sisters when they were getting dressed, like I haven’t heard him in a while and I knew that we had made the right decision to do this.  They already seem a little more content, so let’s see.

This coming Friday Mignon is going to Etienne’s folks, Daniel to my folks and Isabel with us.  I strongly suspect I shall be seeing Brave 2 Saturdays in a row.  All for a good cause!

Then: On Sunday we had some friends over for lunch we haven’t seen in ages and it was a lovely “kuier”.  I wanted something that you could put in the oven and slow-cook so that we could enjoy our friends and not be in the kitchen the whole time.  We (and by “we” I mean “Etienne”) ended up making the most delicious Pork Shoulder Casserole straight off Jane-Anne Hobbs’ blog that was a massive hit.  To say “I love her blog” would be a monumental understatement.  We made our entire Christmas Lunch off her blog about 2 years ago and whenever I want to make something I inevitably find the perfect, idiot-proof recipe on her blog.  She recently published her book and I shall be laying my grubby paws on a copy very soon.  Can’t wait!

A serious stack of pancakes!

For dessert on Sunday I also wanted to do pancakes with decadent sauces, so I found a Caramel Sauce Recipe and a All-American Hot Fudge Sauce to make.  I don’t own a candy thermometer, so the caramel sauce wasn’t perfect, but the Hot Fudge Sauce was sinful. Hint: they were NOT diet-friendly.  A BIG thank you to P and N that made a huge stack of pancakes!

 

Sticker Mania

You know, kids can be pretty ungrateful sometimes.  I know that we shouldn’t expect them to understand sacrifice and compromise in the same way us grownups do, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish they would take a moment and think.  Think about the intent of an action of a parent.  When ‘they’ said parenting was a thankless job they really meant it.

Point in case:

I thought it would be a sweet thing to do to put a different sticker on each child’s wrapped snack every day inside their lunch box.  It embodies the amount of guilt I feel for working and missing so much.  It’s that little gesture that says “Hey! Mom and Dad are thinking of you!”

To this end I bought Isabel little Mini Mouse, Mignon butterfly and Daniel beautiful, bright smiley face and heart stickers as those are the things they love.  The plan was to stick them on when they aren’t looking so they know how special they are as individuals and that we treasure them.

How did it turn out? Not so well. Road to hell and all that.

They have of course twigged on to the fact that there are stickers and this morning there was a barmy of note.  Daniel opened his lunch box to find the (biggest on the sheet) happy face sticker on his snack and immediately proclaimed that he didn’t want the sticker.  In my mind I went What the fuck? and I mentally rolled into a little ball of self-pity.  We then had the whole conversation of why there are stickers, that they are simply something nice for them so they know we love them and so on, but Mister was having none of it, the sticker had to go.  So, the sticker went.

2 minutes later he is back: he wants a butterfly sticker.  No, sorry, no sticker for you today mister and we have thrown the other one away at your instruction.

Another 2 minutes later he comes back, big crocodile tears and demands to have original sticker back.

At which point I had a choice (besides feeling very manipulated).  I could either cave in and give the butterfly sticker or stick to my guns and not let him have any sticker.

So I dug out the original sticker out of the bin.

As you do.

First day of school – 2012

We officially survived the first day of school yesterday and I am very relieved!

Our lovely helper (I hate using the word Au-Pair as it feels like it puts us in a certain category, which could not be further from the truth as my grey hair and unmanicured nails will testify to) started on Monday so she had a chance to settle in.

We sent Daniel off to holiday camp at his new school with his BFF on Monday and Tuesday, so he had a chance to get a little aquanted with his school, but yesterday was still a big day for him.  Of our kids I worry about him the most (stop me if you’ve heard this one before), because the girls are mostly fine wherever they end up as they are always together.

First we all went to Daniel’s school so The Sussies could see his classroom and have a look around.  Here he is on the playground, thoroughly gatvol of me with the camera:

And here he is with the girls, Mignon on his right ad Isabel on his left:

As you can see, they were also rolling their eyes at me.  (which reminds me, Isabel has this little exasperated sound she makes these days, too funny)

I left Etienne in charge of The Big Goodbye and the Girls and I went off to their new school.  Here they are, humoring me in the road.  I don’t know how they put up with me 🙂

Incidentally, I had to take 6 pics to get this one, and still Mignon refused to look at me.

And finally, here they are, playing at their school.  I even managed to get both of them to look at me AT THE SAME TIME.

How did your first days go?

A question about extra-murals and Tori

I know.  What a bizarre title, but anyhoo.

Firstly:  No more sleeps until the Tori Amos concert.  And I’m sitting here in my office being happy about it all by myself because half of the staff here were still in nappies when we were listening to Little Earthquakes.  The best of it all?  I’m going with 2 of my all-time BFF’s from school days.  We have been friends for 24 years (24 YEARS people!!) and they are still 2 of my all-time favouritest bestest people.  L and I: it’s the 80’s ALL over again for us tonight!

Then, a more serious question:

We have to choose which extra-murals Daniel will do next year and we are completely spoilt for choice.  I have always wanted Daniel to do karate, but between that and computer classes and rugby and cricket and swimming and all the other stuff Etienne and I are a little ‘deer-in-the-headlights’.  And we don’t have endless funds to pay for activities either.

So, I would like to know:

How many extra-mural activities is age appropriate for a Grade R child?

Which ones would you or have you picked for your child and why and how did it impact on their choices when they grew older?

Thank you!

Power to the child – Advice Please.

Dear Clever Friends of the Interwebs,

I need some advice.

On Friday night Daniel screamed and screamed and screamed in his sleep.  He eventually ended up in bed with us.  (which, if you know me, is not a regular occurrence in our house, but that’s a whole other blog post)  He couldn’t tell us what was making him scream and he is not prone to night terrors or even waking up at night.

My immediate thought was that there was something that upset him at school, so we
kept a close eye on him the whole weekend.
We had supper at my folks’ house on Saturday night and my parents suggested that if it is a school thing we would know about it come Sunday night/Monday morning.

Trues Bob.  Last night he was quite clingy and this morning it was an epic battle to get him out of bed.  Not a major drama, but he was just not his happy self to go.

We took turns over the weekend to chat about school and ask who his friends are and
what kind of work they do etc, but as a rule he is already not very good at sharing stories, so we couldn’t get much out of him. He is quite a sensitive soul, a very outgoing and gentle little boy.  Which doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his faults, but in general he is kind and affectionate and will inevitably lean toward being bullied unless we equip him to deal with it now.

I had a conversation with his teacher this morning, but nothing major happened on
Friday that she knows about.

As I left school I was listening to the radio and they were talking about the link between recurring depression in adults and childhood trauma and I realized:
childhood trauma isn’t just all the horrible stuff that can happen to children.  It is the borderline bullies, the random things that happen that can scar a child as much as the big bad stuff.  (which also made me realize that I’m not done dealing with my own shit)

BUT. Life is hard and we cannot protect him against everything, especially as we are facing Grade R next year.

So, here’s what I would like to know:

How do you equip your children to deal with conflict?

How do you teach a child to acknowledge how someone makes them feel AND express those feelings without giving their power away?

What advice could you give me and have you had something similar that you have had to deal with?

Slave labour

This will have to be a quicky, busy day tomorrow!

It’s Daniel’s party on Saturday and as usual I have more ideas than time. In other words my poor Mom is making a whole lot of stuff for the party. But there’s little time left, so I have arranged for Etienne’s folks to help. In other words, I have arranged for cheap labour to help make my son’s party a success.

They will congregate at my house tomorrow where they don’t have to worry about cleaning up and there is tea on tap. Don’t worry, they will be fed!

Ps: the girls are under the weather with some stomach/ fever thing. They must buckle up and get better, we have a party to throw on Saturday!!

Friday

So. Huddled in a corner on the couch on a Friday night. All I need now is a snack and some wine and life would be perfect. To be honest, I could quite happily go to bed now. Instead we’ll watch Graham Norton and the next thing it will be 11pm. The story of my life.

When I arrived home today the girls were already in the bath and I run down the passage to take over and they promptly dismissed me, preferring that the Domestic Goddess bath them. Gmpf.

Then Etienne shows me this:

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Apparently they sent cookies home for Mothers Day from school. They were finished by the time Etienne managed to get the kids to the car. Typical.

At the table tonight everyone is talking/laughing/whining/messing as usual and Isabel pipes up: ‘Mom, Daddy bought you a DVD today!’ Followed by an uncomfortable little silence. And Etienne shaking his head.

We then have a conversation about ‘Who ate Mommy’s cookies’ and Daniel says ‘But Daddy also has one in his tummy!’ He claims that he was forced to eat one. Right.

All this whilst trying to keep Mignon off my lap so I can have my supper.

Just a usual Friday night…

The Toothpaste Wars

Like all families we have our little routine at night.

We have supper, the kids that eat enough food get a ‘snack’ (a token, mostly little rice-cakes), we wander down the passage to brush teeth and then congregate in Mignon and Isabel’s room where either Etienne or myself lie on the floor with the kids and read stories.

Story-time is mostly a team sport.  Everyone participates loudly and calls out animal names, numbers and letters whilst at least one child is jumping on the defenseless reader.  Usually with knees to the kidneys.

But before we get to reading time we have to survive The Brushing of The Teeth.  I hate The Brushing of The Teeth.  This is not a team sport at all.  It usually requires much pleading and threatening before there is any participation whatsoever.

Take tonight for example:

Daniel refused to brush teeth.  Deep down I know it was a ploy for attention which I was just not able to give him at that very moment as I was trying to get the girls’ teeth brushed and get them sorted out.  So I put my foot down and did the whole “If you don’t come and brush your teeth this very minute you will not get a story”-thing.  Which you probably know is like playing chicken with a truck.  And once those words come out of your mouth there’s almost no way of changing your mind without looking like a total wuss and inconsistent parent.

So I did what any Parent would do:  I stubbornly stuck to my guns in the vain hope to retain some dignity.  Which ended with Daniel crying in his room because he couldn’t have a story and my heart breaking just a little.

I did go in and have a cuddle and a chat, but there was no story.  I explained why and reassured him how much he is loved, but I still feel like the Big Bad Wolf.

But did I do the right thing?  Was I too harsh?

No

The first time I heard “No” uttered by Daniel when he was around 2 years old I was simultaneously filled with dread and fear and powerlessness.  Because up to then I had control over him, but he had clearly decided that he had his own free will.  How bloody inconvenient.

Over time I have come to be able to push those feelings into a little corner as you learn coping mechanisms such as making a game of it and pretending that is doesn’t phase you and it’s all fun etc.  Or I just make Etienne deal with it when I know I’m about to crack.

I kept Isabel home today as she isn’t well and my Mom came to fetch her for the afternoon.  I had to collect Mignon and Daniel and then drive to my Mom’s house to collect Isabel.  As I arrive Daniel’s teacher says he’s been ‘otherwise’ for most of the day, refusing to pack away work when he is done and just generally making a mess.  And I already braced myself.

I put him and Mignon in the car and he refused to face the front after much cajoling and begging (I mean, you cannot be seen to lose your temper in the parking lot of the school now can you?).  So, I ended up strapping him in facing out the back window.  And then proceeded to say that if he doesn’t turn around in 1/2/3 counts he will not go with to his Ouma’s house to collect Isabel.  He remained stubbornly unmoved, which of course made me feel all the more powerless and generally pissed off.  And people in cars were pointing and staring at the child facing the wrong way.  Oh the shame of it.

I then went straight home and waited for Etienne to come home so I could take Mignon and leave.  And that 7 minutes of waiting went something like this:

  • Daniel, please bring your bag up from the car.
  • No. Never.
  • Daniel, please don’t make a mess in the playroom.
  • No.
  • Daniel, please close the back door.
  • No. Never ever ever ever.  I’m not your friend! I don’t like you anymore!

To which I of course said ‘Just wait until your Dad gets home!’  (which of course, was exactly what my Mom used to say)

So, ‘No’ is probably one of the most powerful words in the world.  And the most hated by parents everywhere.

If he weren’t so damn cute and sweet most of the time he would have been in BIG trouble.

ps My most heartwarming moment of the day was the reunion between Mignon and Isabel.  They love each other so much and gave each other a big hug and a kiss after spending the day apart.  And then proceeded to have an argument about a doll dummy.  It never ends.

Singing and having a moment

I was all set to do a really whiny post today about money and jobs and PMS and the like.

And then, on the way to school this morning the kids were singing the JanuaryFebruaryMarch song in the car after another extended conversation about having a Barbie Mariposa birthday party (Mignon).

My children keep me sane and honest.  They remind me that I have an incredibly important job to do.  And they make me laugh.  Every single day. Sometimes very reluctantly, but still.

I try very hard not to judge people that choose not to ever have children because their careers are too important, I try to be accepting and all ethereal about it.  And as much they drive me nuts and some mornings by the time we get to school I want to make a handbrake turn and fling them out the door from the moving car whilst cackling like a madwoman and racing away in a cloud of dust I don’t.

Because these little people are completely and utterly awesome and Someone blessed us with them.  We are the luckiest, luckiest people to have them.

Here is Daniel singing in the car: