I love my Dad. To bits. He is my hero. He overcame losing his own Mom as a baby and a difficult childhood and is one of the most honest and ethical people I have ever met. All I ever wanted was to marry someone like him.
As I have grown up I have obviously become more aware of his shortcomings as a human being, but I don’t love him any less.
There is one thing I really battling with at the moment though. He is a smoker. Which, in itself is not the worst thing. But keep reading.
He quit smoking about 6/7 years ago and is not the skinniest person on the planet. This, coupled with 20 years of 12 hour days at work along with hectic stress, took its toll and he ended up having quadruple bypass surgery in 2006, less than a week after Daniel was born.
Last year my Mom was saying she is sure that he started smoking again and I was gobsmacked. Irritated. Pissed off. And not able to confront him about it. God forbid you accuse him of such a terrible thing! And how dare you, as his child!
Anyway, it has progressively gone from bad to worse and I suspect that he now probably smokes his usual pack a day. Which. once again, is his choice. But keep reading.
We invited all the grandparents over for lunch on Sunday and my Mom came over earlier to play. My dad arrived almost an hour late. Whilst throwing dishes around I was thinking about why he would do such a thing as this is not in character for him at all to be this rude. And I thought about his smoking and I remembered what it is like to be an outcast. And, because my FIL also had bypass surgery a few years ago my Dad probably does not want to smoke on front of them as he is afraid that they will judge him. Damn right they will. I do. So, it is easier to arrive late and leave early so he doesn’t need to crave a fag.
I’m so angry that he can choose to do this and only understand this because I also used to smoke, but also know that it’s not something you can deal with head-on. Ever seen a smoker run from confrontation?
So, I have been battling for days now about how to address this with him, because I am now at the point that it is compromising his relationship with his grandchildren. And then he called this morning to complain about me not renewing my car license and how he was not coming to my house until I have done so. And. I. lost. It. I just basically said that I cannot keep quiet any longer, and don’t want to fight with him, but it’s not cool that he chooses not to spend time with his family that loves him just so he can have a farking fag. He responded better than I thought he would, but we’ll see. He is on some self-destruct mission.
Thanks for your visit, Tania!!
Being an ex-smoker, who stopped almost 10 years ago, I can tell you that it is not easy at all!! I feel very sorry for your Dad!!… Don’t judge him, but rather support him to try and stop forever!!
I hope he decides to quit again for your family’s sake and his own.
Enjoy your evening:)
hang on, he had to hear this and hopefully he will realise that he should not choose a ciggie over his health and hapiness 🙂 hope things go better soon!
I’m also an ex-smoker, so I agree, it’s really hard. Thanks for stopping by!
Hellooo, thanks for popping over!
Thanks!
My MIL smokes – she won’t even consider stopping, not even for her grandchild. Drives me a bit nuts.
Hope your Dad decides to stop again.
I can also relate – my dad doesn’t know I smoke (well, he maybe does, but out of respect I have never smoked in front of him). Sunday’s lunch was very stressful for me, and when I stress, I smoke, and I couldn’t! I managed to sneak out the back door twice and have a quick puff!
I don’t smoke near my kids, so I know the “outcast” feeling if we’re visiting somewhere. At least your dad is being considerate by not lighting up in front of you & the kids.
I know how bad it is for me, and your dad surely does too, but if I stop I know I’m going to pile on weight (tried before), so it’s a catch-22.
Good luck 🙂
Good luck, I hope your talk has some impact on him!
Good luck…smokers have to want to stop you will never force them to stop
As a smoker myself I feel I cannot really leave an unbiased comment.
All I can say is your Dad loves his grandchildren and he is probably well aware of the risk to his health, so just maybe your words will be the push he needs.
Good luck.
We’ve got the same if not bigger issue with FIL. He’s been told that if he drinks alcohol he will die. He’s been having small aneurysms frequently for the last few years. (It’s actually caused a motoraccident that landed him and his worker in hospital and wrote off MIL’s car). Not even that has convinced him that he needs to stop drinking. We’ve accepted the fact that he is drinking himself to death – sooner rather than later. But if he now gets in his bakkie when drunk we do something about it – just to protect innocent people on the road.
My MIL smokes, and she caused major ructions when my son was a baby by smoking in front of him, and even while holding him. As an insecure new mother I struggled to assert myself about her not smoking in front of him. It got easier as he got older though. This time round, I am putting my foot down, no-one will be allowed to touch my baby if they have been smoking. She also has health issues, and still bloody smokes. I understand your frustration. My MIL doesnt even come visit us at home, because she isnt allowed to smoke in our house, so she chooses not to come.
I chose the weight 🙂
I agree! It’s one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Hey, I’m not judge and jury, but it infuriates me that he is literally playing with his life smoking after his bypass surgery.
In the end they are adults and the need to carry the consequences of their actions.
Her loss. That’s very sad CM.
*Hug*