I finally finished The Glass Castle*, so naturally I have been thinking a lot about dysfunctional families vs normal families. There are so many books about “extraordinary” (for lack of a better word) families** and so many parenting books about raising “the prefect child” that it’s hard to find a personal happy balance between what we grew up with, what we wished we grew up with and how books proclaim we should raise our children.
It’s also true that so many people that are high achievers come from really messed up extraordinary homes, so then there’s that. Maybe “normal” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? And what would separate the people that rise above those circumstances from their siblings that don’t?
So then I started wondering about what exactly a “normal” family is.
I’m willing to bet that 90% of us promised ourselves “normal” families when we were all grown up as we felt our own family was weird or messed up in some way (which they probably were, otherwise there would be no therapists would there?). Or maybe that was my own teenage delusion.
I know that part of my idea of “normal” was for my kids one day to feel loved and accepted (unconditionally) and included and I hope that this is what we manage to do although I know it really is still early days. But that probably means that we’ll end up messing something else up that will make them think we are dysfunctional in some way and wish to correct our terrible mistakes when they grow up.
So all in all we probably perpetuate the cycle of un-normal through our best intentions.
But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try and create “normal” to the best of my ability. Dammit. I’d rather raise well adjusted Middleclassers than tortured Over-Achievers thank you very much.
What constitutes “normal” for you? What is the biggest thing you promised yourself you would change when you were a parent one day?
* Thanks to Cat for the recommendation, and apparently Jeanette Walls’ other book, Half Broke Horses is also really good.
** More books like this that have come up in conversations:
Battle Hymn for the Tiger Mother – Amy Chua and my review here
Angela’s Ashes – Frank McCourt. Read at your own peril and don’t say I didn’t warn you.
A Child called It – Dave Pelzer – haven’t read this and I’m not sure I want to either
Feel free to add to the list!
Ps: I googled images for “normal”. Don’t do it. I’m scarred for life.