The Idiot’s Guide to going for a Mammogram

So I’m just going to come right out and say it:  I went for a Mammogram this morning and its all clear.  So the story has a happy ending, you can start breathing.

But fun it was not.

I went to see our GP last week with a bump under my arm and on my chest (duh) that’s been bugging me for a while now and she sent me for a Mammogram and Ultrasound at the Apffelstaedt Clinic.  I was going to have to go next year anyway as part of celebrating the big Four Oh, so I thought it best to get it out of the way.

If you have known me or this blog for any length of time you will know how much I hate abhor detest drama in any shape or form as I’m from a long line of hypochondriacs and drama queens, so I decided to keep this to myself as far as possible.  I’m still not really happy blogging about it, but I see I didn’t manage to write anything last week as I was clearly not going to be able to blog with this hanging over my head, so I’m just going to get it out in the open and move on.

As luck would have it I saw almost all of my oldest and favouritest (I know, not really a word, whatever) friends this weekend and ALL I kept thinking was how much I love them and how much my life could potentially change come Monday.  (there may have been several bottles of bubbly involved in coming to this conclusion).  To say I was worried would be an understatement, as my Mom had cancer when she was 42 and my aunt died of breast cancer when she was in her late 40’s.  So the stats are stacked.

I also kept thinking about Etienne’s intimate relationship with my boobs and how potentially losing one or both of them would make us both feel, knowing how attached he is to them. (possible overshare, I know, once again, whatever)

So, I gathered myself toward myself this morning and off we went, my girls and I.

Herewith then my idiot’s guide to going for a Mammogram:

• The best time to go is within 10-14 days from the first day of your last period.
• You need to take about 2-3 hours out of your day for the whole thing.
• Go for an Ultrasound and a Mammogram as apparently 10-15% of cancers are missed by the Mammogram, but picked up by Ultrasound.
• Have a Mammogram when you turn 40, because it is good to have a baseline.  This way, if the shit hits the fan somewhere down the line, they have something to compare it to.  Almost like having a set of x-rays of your teeth.  Or something like that.
• Take extra underarm stuff with you.  They wipe it all off before the Mammogram as some underarm lotions contain powder that blurs the image, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to take that chance.
• Yes, it hurts like fuck hell, but it’s over very quickly.  It’s a squash/squish, thank you very much thing and then that’s all done.
• The only thing that hurts more is the Ultrasound.  No lies.  I had the added benefit of my Radiographer being trained on a new fancy-schmancy machine WITH THE TRAINER IN THE ROOM at the time of the Ultrasound.  And baby, were they working that Ultrasound, they were very very thorough.  Those were the longest 15 minutes of my entire life.
• Be prepared to need a shower after the Ultrasound.  I have never ever seen so much KY, not even on a 38 week scan of my massive belly when I was expecting the girls.  I even had the stuff in my neck, right up to my chin, although this may have more to do with the fact that I kept craning my neck to see what was going on.
• Be prepared to have your boob squished some more in that horrible machine as they might need to take a 5^th (!!!) shot of your poor boob just to be certain.  I’m not complaining, as far as I’m concerned I got good value for my money, they could Mammogram and Ultrasound the living shit out of my boobs as long as they were happy with what they saw.

The moral of the story? If you worry about knobbly boobs (or knobbly anything for that matter) go and have it checked out, don’t wait.  You’ll waste precious time worrying that you could have spent hugging children and, er, chatting to your husband.

Seriously.

Just do it already.

Have you been for a Mammogram before?  Did I miss anything important?