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Jeez, this is a hard one. Because I have a list as long as my arm of things I have fucked up in my 37 years of being here. And I want to keep the lynch mobs away from my door.
So, here goes.
I smoked through IVF, my pregnancy with Daniel, whilst I was breastfeeding and all the way until I found out we were expecting twins. I know, smack me now. Or unfriend / unfollow. Whatever.
I enjoyed loved worshipped smoking. It was an office joke that I would never quit as I was a pack-a-day girl and would let no opportunity pass to justify why I used to smoke. I remember going to a Johnny Clegg concert when I was about 7 months pregnant with Daniel and asking a friend to walk with me to go and hide and have a cigarette, and I still got busted by a guy that crapped on me for being pregnant and smoking. (I remember cringing and wanting to give him the middle finger at the same time)
I vividly remember standing outside in the cold after breastfeeding at 04h00 in the morning and sneaking a cigarette. (Yes, I really was that kind of smoker)
Yes, I only smoked about 4/5 cigarettes a day during my pregnancy and breastfeeding days, but still. When Daniel used to get croup attacks I used to die a little inside every time, knowing it is probably my fault. With his eczema and food intolerances I’m sure it is somehow my fault.
So, I have to forgive myself for doing this to my gorgeous son.
Now that I don’t smoke, I really am the world’s worst ex-smoker. I can be on the one end of the house and my husband can be smoking outside on the other end of the yard and I’ll still smell it. He knows not to come near me after he has smoked, it makes me want to puke. I am THAT mother that herds her children away from people that smoke outside, I can’t stand it. Mostly because I feel so guilty about it.
There, hate me if you must.
It’s good you quit smoking,enjoy the rest of the day.
What matters is that you stopped. You can’t undo the past, you can only do something about the now. And now you don’t smoke. Yay for you for being so honest about this!
Yah for being an ex-smoker or I would unfriend you!
we’d never hate you for that. seriously. x
Hate you? are you daft? you been sniffing powder paint again?
I didn’t smoke through my pregnancy with Tash and she has eczema so no guilt there please.
Well done to you for quitting. My sister says it’s the hardest thing she’s ever done.
It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The second hardest thing is going to be losing all the weight.. But it’s worth it!
Thank you 🙂
Gulp. Thanks!
hiehie
Thanks Tracy 🙂
Thank goodness! Didn’t even know she suffered!
Im still a smoker.
Yes, we do still exist! hahaha
I smoked 3 a day while preggers since my gynae gave me the go ahead. That was 12 years ago though. I cant imagine smoking through a pregnancy now. For nothing but the pure shame. I’d have to do it behind closed doors and find willing accomplices …
NO GUILT needed about it. People have done much much worse during pregnancy with perfectly healthy children – its the luck of the draw. Seriously!
Thank you 🙂
I stopped smoking for the first 3 months of my Minki pregnancy, then started to puff one here, one there, all on the sly, Hubby didn’t know (so I thought!) He told me recently he knew all along.
Minki have one little funny toe, I blame my smoking for her “deformity”, despite the fact that my mom AND my aunts all told me it is a family thing, 4 of my cousins also have this funny toe.
Well done for quitting!
The husbands ALWAYS know..
Thank you Shell, one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done!
I know exactly how you feel. When i found out i was expecting, i quit for about a week, then started again, if the hub knew, he never said anything. I still feel guilty and its 4 years later. I later quit after an operation for almost 2 years, but has been smoking again for almost 2 years. Terrible i know. I wanna quit, but at this point, i don’t really have the guts to try. Congrats that you stopped.
It is hard to quit!!