Hot on the heels of recovering from Fighting For Dummies Etienne tells me the girls had an argument at school yesterday that left them both in the naughty corner. As usual Isabel and Mignon’s versions were different as to who did what first.
Fast forward to dinnertime and we are all at the table tucking into our usual Thursday night roast chicken, the only night of the week supper is relatively peaceful.
And Isabel pipes up: “Mamma! Guess what! Mignon and I saw (insert child’s name) “tottie” (penis) today, he showed it to us!”
It’s like the world suddenly stopped turning and I had to remind myself to breathe. And the voice in my head screamed STAY COOL MAN!
So we asked what happened when the little boy showed them his penis. “Oh” they pipe up “we showed him our ‘koekies’!”
Choke. And more incessant screaming from all the voices in my head.
And murderous thoughts about where the teacher was and what the effing hell!
So we ended up having the whole conversation about not showing other children your private parts and not letting anyone touch you and always running and telling Mommy or Daddy or a Teacher if something like this happens and your body is your body and so on and so forth.
After supper I called my friend Leo. Leo is really good at putting things into context and dealing with my (let’s face it) hysteria. And she’s been through most of it before so she knows shit. And she’s calm. So veryvery calm. I love my friend Leo.
So we talked through it and she correctly said that kids tell the truth, but only up to a certain point and the most valuable piece of advice she ever got was when one of her kids’ teachers said the following:
She promises not to believe everything the kids tell her at school if the parents promise not to believe everything the kids tell them at home.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe what happened yesterday, just not necessarily all the additional details Isabel embroidered into the story when she realized she had a rapt audience. This got me through the night last night and made me approach them calmly at school this morning.
They have dealt with it at school and had a long talk to the kids, so I almost want to just leave it to rest for now and not rush out to buy all the kiddy-appropriate literature in the whole of Cape Town lest it becomes a major issue. But we will re-visit the topic when the dust has settled a little, that much is important.
It is still a big thing for me, especially because they are twins as they have a very special kind of physical bond that I don’t want to interfere with. I also don’t want to leave them with the impression that their genitals are something to be ashamed of as us 70’s babies were made to believe along with having to finish all the food on our plates. But there are boundaries.
I also feel like they have lost some of their innocence. Up to now they have been very comfortable being naked around their brother and vice versa and should we really be censoring that at this point? (as much as we keep an eye on it already).
Parenting: It’s a bitch sometimes.
Has this happened to your kids? How did you deal with it?
Another milestone you can check off your list. They are at the age where they become very aware of the differences in boys and girls anatomy’s.
I think you handled it well. If one makes a hooha out of it then it gets repeated as, as you say, they have rapt audience when they tell you about it.
I’d leave it unless another incident occurs.
Next milestone is “Doctor Doctor” This one does in fact cause parental choking and spluttering. And knowing it is usual for 4-5 year olds to explore in this way somehow does not appease the hyperventillation. Sterkte!