You know when you haven’t blogged in so long you feel like you don’t know where to start? I’m there.
I was flat on my back for 4 days last week with bronchitis; I don’t think I’ve been that ill since I was pregnant with the girls. I think I just needed the rest as well, June was a very stressful month.
After so long at home and then the weekend going back to work on Monday was hard on my heart (over and above the chaos of not being at work for most of the week) and I missed my babies like mad. Much as I love my job, I wish I had a couple of hours extra with my kids every day. I bought Daniel some Afrikaans language and Mathematics exercise books last weekend that he is very interested in, but there’s so little time every day! He also started the recorder this term, but we battle to make the time to practice. Etienne is very good and wants to help, but of course I feel like a failure to accept the help.
We had a lovely afternoon with the ladies at House of Thembiso for Mandela Day on Wednesday and I got to hold and bath an awesome little 2 month old guy that is waiting for placement. I left feeling really sad that I didn’t have more time to spend there. But I did go home and start work on a crochet blanket for a baby. That I can do at night.
We also employed a new domestic lady and it’s not going too well, it seems we have a major personality clash. Roll on the self-flagellation. (how’s that for middleclass problems?)
All of this left me in a pretty crappy mood this week that I may or may not have taken out on everyone around me and in no mood to write happy blog posts, so excuse me if you got in the way of my terrible mood.
In fact, I’m feeling so sorry for myself and so bad about my atrocious behavior this week I almost wept when I found the lyrics to Alanis Morissette’s Everything and sent them to Etienne. It sums up perfectly how I feel at the moment:
“Everything”
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you’ve ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you’ve connected.
I have the bravest heart that you’ve ever seen
And you’ve never met anyone
Who’s as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I’m ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I’m terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I’m ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I’m the funniest woman that you’ve ever known
I’m the dullest woman that you’ve ever known
I’m the most gorgeous woman that you’ve ever known
And you’ve never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes