Woe is me says the Drama Queen

This is one of those blog posts where I’ve had to do a lot of introspection and still don’t have the answer, so it might seem like a bit of a ramble.  Please bear with me.

I have been in the most disgusting state of anxiety this week.  I’m talking taking a ½  Rivotril in the morning just to get me through the day, something I have always refused to do.  I recently changed anti-depressants (from Zoloft to Molipaxin) and they keep me on the saner range of slightly nuts. Etienne now even gets lucky on occasion.

But this week has been BAD. Can’t focus, vacillating between teary and bitchy, want to shove every type of food imaginable in my mouth as comfort, you can probably guess how it goes.  I started making a mental (snort) checklist of things that could possibly leave me in this state.

It looks a little like this:

There is a lot going on at work, but nothing insurmountable and there is light at the end of the tunnel, so it’s not that exclusively.

Christmas.  I need to get my ass into gear as I’m making Christmas
gifts for most people this year and I need to get organized as time is running out.  I’m also busy crocheting things people ordered that are thankfully almost finished.  But it must get finished and out of the way
now.

I want to make little brown packets with sweets instead of an Advent Calendar.  The idea is to have a little bag per child per day on the Christmas Tree that the kids can take off and replace with an ornament.  That way they start decorating the tree from 1 December.  But I need to
get that done.

There’s too much going on between now and Christmas. I’m craving peace and quiet and it’s not even December yet.  That would be the peace and quiet I won’t be getting any of anyway.

I’m only able to take a few days leave after Christmas because of work, which leave Etienne to take care of the kids all by himself for the entire week before.  Can you say BAD MOTHER?

We are also going away with the people in Etienne’s office this weekend.  They are lovely, lovely people but for some reason the thought is freaking me out no end. It has a lot to do with the “please bring swimming costume” sentence.  I fervently pray for rain.  I already feel judged as “The Fat Wife” before we have even left Cape Town.  How pathetic is that?

Am I being a complete drama queen?  (And you know how much I friggin hate drama!)

5 thoughts on “Woe is me says the Drama Queen”

  1. I am totally anxious too – I tally it up to the time of the year and a way too hard year for one girl to handle. Eish – I feel for you. But one thing I do know – you are not a bad mother leaving them with him for a week. Definitely not! He is just as much their parent as you. And gosh, if you do not want to swim you do not have to swim.

  2. Whew. It is like reading my own thoughts. You are SO not alone. In anything that you have said.  My hubby just started new work and I am embarrassed to meet his new colleagues for the same reason. Got a fancy dinner with clients tonight and am dreading…..
    Caryn 

  3. Take a WHOLE Rivotril. And fat wives have loads more going for them!!!! I can see, feel and hear the freight train heading my way!!

  4. My darling friend, why oh why are you placing so much pressure on yourself!?? Buy the fucking avent calendar for 20 ront and save yourself the anxiety! Yes, your idea is beautiful and it would be perfect if you were a full time sahm. But you arent. You are an already overloaded working mom and wife. Buy the avent calendar, buy (dont make) the gifts. Find cheap but meaningful gifts. Next year when you have more time, you can do all those things. Cut yourself some slack, don’t try to do it all. You are fabulous but you are only but one person. Even you can’t do 1573773537 million things a day. You’ve had a big year, take a step back allow yourself to take the easy way out.

    Re weekend away, tell everyone that your chest is ‘iffy’ so you are going to stay far away for the water. No swimming. End of story.

    You and I need to talk. Come for wine!!

  5. OK. Firstly re: the FAT WIFE thing. I will remind you of something that someone in your life said to you some months ago: It is really unattractive when you speak about yourself that way. THATISALL. If you don’t want to swim, then just don’t!

    Re: the other stuff. Last year I felt this way and I wasn’t even making gifts for people! This year, my DH and I made some changes. We only socialise on Saturdays and Sundays are rest days where we hang out with our kids. I don’t know why everyone just wants to hang out now in the festive season when they’ve had all year to hang out with me.
    Also, I am making gifts this year and I’ve decided that all the ladies are getting the same thing and all the men are getting the same thing. It’s just easier from a materials and time and a costing point of view. I’ve actually set aside a full Sunday (this coming Sunday) to finish ALL of it. Including writing out Christmas cards – I’m doing this for the first time ever this year too! The following Sunday is when I will wrap the stuff. I just feel less overwhelmed when I plan my life better and stick to my schedule and to the spreadsheet that I’ve worked out wrt gifts and cards etc.
    This time of the year is just CRAZY and I’m doing whatever I can to maintain my sanity. So far so good.
    Hang in there honey, this too shall pass.x

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