A friend called today let me know one of our other friends was getting a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
The friend apparently had an affair because she felt she had no emotional intimacy with her husband and cannot discuss her feelings with him. She knew this when she married him, they have 2 small children and now she has an affair because of it. (she says)
It made me think about emotional intimacy and about women in general these days. We work so hard and have to BE so hard at work that, when it comes to relationships we battle to make ourselves vulnerable by sharing our feelings in our relationships. Because then your ass is on the line and someone might actually see your weaknesses. And these days, that’s just not cool.
The weird thing is, it’s not just about intimacy, it’s also about honesty. And speaking your mind. Example: I jumped on my high horse with hubby this morning about something and generally I would leave it and ignore him for the rest of the day, but I just didn’t have the energy for that. So I called him on the way to work and explained why I got pissed off and we talked it through. He then called back 2 minutes later just to say ‘thank you for calling’ as he would have wondered the whole day what he had done wrong. And it hit me. Men are just a vulnerable as we are, they just hide it better. Man, it must have taken balls for him to pick up the phone and call back to say “thank you”.
We have recently been doing a lot more actual talking about stuff and sorting things out and are a lot more “emotionally intimate” at the moment. But this wasn’t easy. We have had to change our communication style as it becomes hard to have that easy mutual understanding with 3 little ones in the house. We have to work just that little harder on it now, and it’s better than it’s ever been. And he’s a cool guy of course that will listen to all my emotional crap. AND try to change when something really bugs me.
I’m a lucky, lucky girl. He’s a keeper 🙂
you both are!
Agree with Cams, it takes two to communicate.
mwah!
Yup, communication is key, but it is hard to maintain. U have to keep pulling yourselves out of the rut, which can only happen if u both communicate & understand that u’re off track. How sad 4 ppl who lose da plot completely
I agree
How wonderful that you and your hubby can communicate so well in the hecticness of three little ones! Yay for you!
🙂
So glad to hear your making the effort. Hope you will have that “I’m a lucky girl” feeling for the rest of your life!
Making an effort has huge rewards.
I chose to give up my job as we were both is “Boss” positions and it’s hard to come home after a whole day of being in charge and telling peolpe what to do and then have to be the dosile wife…..so now it’s easier give and take for both of us
Men are definitely just as vulnerable. Plus MOST OF THE TIME THEY DON’T HAVE A CLUE what’s going on with us!! I find myself spelling things out to the finest detail these days and that seems to clear things up. Sulking does not work. He doesn’t know why I’m doing it which leaves both of us exhausted and angry. Not worth it! Good luck.
You have no idea how lucky you are, you are so right,…he’s a keeper. xx
You’re both lucky to have each other. He’s a def keeper!
Good on you.. I also had to change the way I dealt with things. I hate not being on talking terms with my DH. It’s just not worth it.
Beautiful post. My DH and I are also connecting again for the first time in a long time. Children really place a huge strain on the relationship. We go out alone twice a month (sans kids) and we are not allowed to talk about them at all. Easier said than done.
Your DH is definitely a keeper.
xx
Good for you 🙂 Both of you 🙂 Glad you could sort it out quickly. I’m the sulky type, but trying hard to speak up and tell hubby what I NEED him to do to help me out! Sometimes it’s just easier for me to do it myself and sulk about it! But we have been trying! It’s quite scary how we get into a routine of ignorning each others needs because we’re too busy getting on with other aspects of our lives.
Life’s just too short to be miserable!
He’s a lucky, lucky man to have a wife that is willing to make the effort. Some women I know will just go out and have an affair.
Thanks!
I totally agree, that’s why I also made the change recently.
Thanks Shazzie 🙂
I agree!
You use up so much energy being pissed off!
It is hard to not talk about the kids when you go out, well done on getting it right twice a month!
Honey, I am also the sulky type!
🙂