Last Sunday we decided that we would skip my Mom’s house for a while as it is too chaotic with the brood. We then invite them over for lunch today. First there was the to-and-fro about whether they would come, then there was the debate about whether my crazy sister should come, then my Mom decided that we should rather go there (accompanied by the sigh). At which point I said that we were having lunch at our house and if they wanted to see us they we welcome to come over. What gets to me is that, no matter what I do, I will always be the bad guy.
Then there is the hypochondria. My mom had cancer about 18 years ago and since then she has been on high alert for any and all illnesses. Every ailment requires a visit to the GP, medication, Xrays, a potential operation, visits to specialists etc etc etc.
The latest problem is her back. She hurt her back about a year ago whilst playing with Daniel and I heard about it for ages. She then had problems with her stomach for a while (that might require surgery) and a terrible flu that required weeks of bed rest and three courses of antibiotics. Now we are back on the back and she went to see the doctor, is getting intensive physiotherapy and if it doesn’t improve there might be surgery.
On the one hand I try to only absorb the important information, which means she probably thinks I am not listening. On the other hand I sometimes wonder if it is not a desperate cry for attention. I can’t help to compare her with my inlaws that are almost 20 years older than her and my Dad and a lot healthier than them.
I’m absolutely finished, thoughts anyone?
OOh, I can just hear that sigh! Sterkte, she’s probably not going to change now.
MORNING DEAR
HOPE YOU SURVIVED YOUR SUNDAY LUNCH
HAVE A GREAT WEEK
Had a similar situation with my mom – although not cancer, she had a brain tumour removed. The op changed her personality completely! And now every ache, pain and sniffle could be another tumour. I understand it must be terrible to live in fear like that, but it does get a bit tiring listening to all the ailments.
I also feel like a cow for “brushing off” the problems sometimes. I’ve learned not to ask “How are you?”.
Good luck 🙂
I’m sooo glad it’s not just me! I sometimes want to tell her start living and stop dying.
So when are we going to hear more about “the crazy sister”? (Sorry if out of line, but thats me, curious.)
“girding my loins” for that post 🙂
My mom in-law is the same. Oh, I have 2 mothers in-law (hubby’s dad remarried after divorce). They both are like it, but the one espessially. She is still in fifties and had a back and neck operation in her late 30’s. Every time I call or we visit it is another ailment. If it isn’t her back or neck, it is something else (hormones, flu, galbladder or anything a person can think of). She plays with my son, but everytime I have to hear about an ache he caused. It is tiring and it is getting harder for me to be simpathetic.
Good luck! I know how you feel.
The best books I was ever introduced to was “Your body speaks your mind” by Deb Shapiro & “Heal your life” by Louise Hay – life changing. I’m a breast cancer survior and have learnt that fear, anger, guilt and other repressed emotions just manifest in us as an illness. From the ailments you list, my guess is she has many issues internalised instead of expressed and they manifest in illnesses & injuries.
I totally agree. Emotional baggage is like snot, rather out than in 🙂