Month: February 2012

The weekend that was

Remember how I was whining about all the parties and not seeing the kids enough and needing a break last week?

Well.

The weekend started on a high note with mammamammamammamammamammamammamamma from the minute I opened my eyes on Saturday morning. Fair enough, they had a LOT to tell us about their week, so that wasn’t too much of a problem.

Nor was it a problem when Daniel was playing with my sewing scissors and I, in a ploy to get them from him, stuck my hand in the open blades. Just as he closed them. On my thumb. Shame, his eyes almost popped out of his head he got such a fright. Not to mention that his sisters have not missed a single opportunity to remind him of the mishap.

(Point in case: Tonight at supper Isabel feigned surprise at the plaster on my thumb and then feigned surprise when she suddenly ‘remembered’ that Daniel cut Mom’s finger. ‘Remember when Daniel cut your finger Mom?’. I could see the poor guy cringe.)

Straight after recovering from my (cough) injury I was due to make dessert for a dinner party on Saturday night. Thanks to the standing joke of my friends calling me Martha I felt no pressure whatsoever of course.

So there we were, Etienne and I, trying to perfect Jane-Anne’s famous White Chocolate and Granidilla Tart with a manky thumb, a reluctant assistant and a terrible delegator. And a troupe of 3 going mammamammamammamammamammamammamamma and pappapappapappapappapappapappapappa from the lounge. And then I effed up the whipped cream and proceeded to hop around the kitchen impatiently when Etienne was despatched to buy more cream.

But it all ended well, especially as I then went off to a playdate with the girls and was plied with spritzers and the tart was a huge success In the end.

Of course the kids were up bright and early yesterday morning (pardon me whilst I stick my fingers in my eyes) and we managed to make ourselves presentable before Etienne’s folks came over for lunch.

By last night we gratefully sank down on the couch, happy for the peace and quiet once the kids passed out.

But they weren’t quite done with us. Mignon was awake between 01:00 and 03:00 this morning. I was awake way after that. Insomnia is such a bitch and I was pretty grumpy with Mignon last night. She, on the other hand, thought it was great fun.

Let’s hope tonight goes better..

Middleclassilitis – it’s a disease

I’m about to make a confession, hold on to your seats.

I suffer from Middleclassilitis*.

I could never understand people that furiously check their diaries when you propose a braai/drink/swim/play date. You know, those people that say ‘Yes, what a fantastic idea, let’s do it in 12 weeks’ time as I have between 15h00 and 16h00 available on that Sunday afternoon.’

I mean, if you want to see me you’ll make the effort right? Right?  I thought these people must be playing hard to get.  Or they didn’t plan their time properly.  Or they were plain disorganized.  Or they were fobbing me off.  Or my kids were delinquents. Or we smelt funny.

Wrong.

Since the beginning of the year we have had a ridiculously busy social life.  It’s all been fun stuff and we love that we get invited to so many parties (or maybe all our friends and their kids just have birthdays in January and February).  But enough now, we need a holiday and it’s not even bloody March yet.

I find myself cringing when I say to people, ‘Sorry, would love to see you, but can’t do that playdate until the end of March as we are just too busy.’  I literally cringe.  When did I become “that” person that isn’t flexible and available over weekends?  When did our lives become so busy that we so sparingly have to make time for the people we usually get to see over weekends?

I classify this whole business of being too busy right up there with having to admit to myself and other people that we actually have an Au Pair now and not “someone that collects the kids from school” or, my other favourite, a “Child-minder”.  I don’t see myself as being in that class of person, you know, “Middle-class”, not that I know where I would fit in otherwise.  But still.

I recently heard about someone that put her friends into A, B and C Categories and allocates a specified amount of time to each of those friends according to their category and I remember thinking how cold that is.  But she might have a point.

That’s why I have decided that I suffer from Middleclassilitis.  That, despite my best efforts to the contrary, we are just your average family that has too little time and money to get around to everything and everyone that we value.  And then some time just to ourselves to be inert on the couch for a change.

How do you manage your so-called free time?  Do you have rules for activities over weekends?  Do you limit social events?

*Middleclassilitis is an actual word I made up.  I put on Urban Dictionary and all that, but their people haven’t spoken to my people yet.  Will keep you posted…

A state of Happiness

One of the things I love most about walking (except for the fact that my body seems to be losing the weight in the wrong “B” place, that is, Boobs instead of Belly) is that it gives me time to reflect.  It also gives me an opportunity to walk past pretty houses and gardens and appreciate their beauty.

Several people have commented lately that I look really well and I usually crack a joke and say it’s all because of good drugs, but it struck me yesterday that I really am really well.

And Happy.

Sure we are still broke, I still have to work full day and I still get to see far too little of my kids, but I’m actually Happy.

I was trying to figure out what it means to be happy and why I would suddenly feel happier now than, say, a month ago. (except for the good drugs that is).  I remember reading an Afrikaans story many years ago about how you only experience happiness as a memory and I remember thinking at the time how sad that is, because it is so true.

How often do you relate fun stories to people as memories and remember thinking how happy you were at the time?  What could possibly be wrong with being happy now, in the moment?

Here are a couple of things that I think have contributed to this feeling state of happiness:

  1. I’m more “in the moment” at the moment. I’m trying hard to make eye contact with my kids when they talk and really try to listen in to what they are saying now that they are getting really good at expressing themselves.  They are funny, bright and happy children.
  2. I’m feeling grateful for my life.  I’ve stopped wanting to be what I am never going to be and started looking at what we have and what I am NOW.  Really looking.  And appreciating.  And accepting.
  3. I’ve come to realize that people that drive past me when I’m walking might be judging my fat stomach and arse, but at least I’m not watching those cars from the couch.  So who really cares?
  4. I’ve come to accept that some people in my life will never change so best I stop fighting with them about things that will simply never be different.  That was incredibly liberating and it takes away their power to hurt me.  I highly recommend this!
  5. I have an awesome husband.  Our relationship gets stronger by the day because we are both working at it.  And that love is a shining beacon for our children (permit me that little soppiness!) Life really is too short for relationships based on compromise, falseness or lack of trust.
  6. I’m taking time out for ME. Who would have thought??
  7. I am spending less time on the internet.  I have been a bad tweeter and I have been a really bad blogger lately, but I would rather spend time having a conversation with Etienne or reading a book on my Kindle Fire I got as a gift recently (How friggin awesome is that?!).  I miss my friends in the computer, but the ones that are worthwhile will understand.
  8. I refuse to be in a rush. I would rather either start getting ready 5 minutes earlier or be 5 minutes late to a social event than rush.  (Not like the party we were 40 minutes late for recently instead of 10 minutes as I got the time wrong.  Oops).  I’m also taking my time reading to the kids at night and not rush through it and give that extra cuddle and kiss at bedtime as they seem to settle sooner then.
  9. I’m taking the time to dress to feel good, not cover up as much as I can with wide, black clothes.  With varying degrees of success, but hey, I’ll keep trying!  At least some days I leave the house now feeling (gasp) pretty.  Makes such a difference to my work-persona
  10. Speaking of work:  I love my job.
  11. I’m determined to stop hating my body by not giving in to telling myself how fat/ugly I look and feel as a consequence.  Once again, with varying degrees of success, but it’s a work in progress.

Are you Happy?  What is wrong with your life now that prevents you from feeling Happy? What holds you back?

Etienne turns 40

Etienne turned 40 on 18 February and I wanted to make it a really special day for him so I had a couple of tricks up my sleeve.

Expensive gifts were not an option so I opted to shower him with love for the day.

We went out for an early breakfast whilst my Mom took care of the kids just so we could have a little time together before the day got manic and it was lovely to have him all to myself.  Along with a loud Australian chick at the next table that was curious to know whether South Africans also put braces on their teeth. But anyhoo.

We had a lovely morning at a kiddy party (with wine) and then off home for an afternoon nap.

I then presented him with a little project I had been working on for a while.  The idea came from Pinterest (duh) and you can click here for the original website it came from.  In a nutshell, I contacted Etienne’s old and new friends, colleagues and family and asked them each to send me a memory of him they hold.  The idea was to present him with 40 memories from people special to him on his 40th birthday.  The people in my office must think I am quite mad as I cried so often when I opened the messages at work as they were all so amazing and special.  He was completely blown away and may or may not have pecked a little tear himself.

The pile of envelopes

Thank you THANK YOU to everyone that participated in this, you have no idea how special it was.

Etienne reading his letters

We then moved along to Ke-Monate for his birthday bash with most of our favourite friends and family and it was a truly amazing evening.  The service and food was just perfect and the company was even better!  The restaurant is just outside Durbanville and literally sits between vineyards.  Perfect.

The table
Gift and name tag

The last little trick up my sleeve was Etienne’s birthday cake that was made by Angie, our favourite teacher.  He is a big fan of Lord of the Rings, so we decided on a LOTR cake.  In the end it was my favourite part of the day because of the expression on Etienne’s face when the cake came out.  He loved it!

 

Etienne with his cake (sorry, not the best pic!)

To my love:

I wanted to write you a “40 things I love about you” post, but we tell each other those things on a regular basis anyway and love isn’t about saying so once a year, it’s living it every day, which you do.  Love you madly.

The flowers in his table decoration opening up, loved them.

An Epic Parenting Fail

20120210-193129.jpg

I have made the most epic of all epic parenting mistakes. Ever.

Daniel hasn’t been well. It started with a sinus thing and skipped along into his chest. We both had a sinus/bronchitis thing this week and where I slowly got better, he just got worse despite being on Antibiotics and was coughing for most of last night.

So, another day at home and another doctor’s appointment and another script later we were hoping for the best.

And then. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He has been eating lunch at aftercare and they have sandwiches on tap for the kids during the afternoons. And stuff like pasta and crumbed food that our son never hardly ever gets at home because of his multitude of food intolerances. (Wheat, lactose, citrus, Sulphur Dioxide, nuts and most food label items that start with an ‘E’)

We (in our infinite wisdom) decided we would not be the anal retentive OCD patents and see if he could tolerate ‘normal’ foods and only twigged on after weeks of a sick child that clearly he cannot.

I remembered that he had the same chronic sinus/cough thing before we had him tested last time and it only improved when we strictly cut out the problem foods.

Know what’s the worst? When he was presented with a glass of Creme Soda and a pizza at a party last week with Moms from The New School and I visibly cringed at the sight I felt like The Tree Hugger Mom From Hell for admitting our kids don’t know carbonated drinks and I politely zipped my lips.

So sorry my boy.

The things we don’t blog about

Maybe I’m just in a really pissy mood today due to a combination of things, but it strikes me extra hard today that they are mostly things I cannot blog about.  And that pisses me off even more.

I started blogging because I wanted to keep a record for our kids of how they grew and developed and to remember and celebrate the awesomeness that they are.  And often I do.  BUT I’m irritated because I think that I am leaving behind such a sanitised version of our life.  I don’t do passive aggressive or cryptic very well, so often I just leave stuff out lest I sound too whiny and miserable.  (which means that I end up not blogging for days on end because I just can’t summon the energy to do upbeat or quirky and funny)

Not that I am miserable or that my life is unhappy, very far from it.  I appreciate that we all have issues and that you cannot wait on happiness or fulfillment, you create that for yourself.  Or so my therapist tells me.  (something I probably shouldn’t blog about either)

So I can’t blog about the person that has owed me money for more than a year and how it threatens my family and how bloody angry I am about it.  Enough already.

I can’t blog about the horrific things that come out of a family member’s mouth and how I fervently wish not to be like that person and then catch myself doing exactly the same.  I really really really hate that.  There are lots of unresolved issues there.  Can you tell? (have I mentioned the Therapist-we-shall-not-mention?)

I can’t really blog about how someone has pissed me off beyond belief at work and that I have to pander to childishness and drama.  I have no words to explain how much I hate drama.  In the bigger scheme of things it isn’t such a big thing, but it’s still not something fit for public consumption.

I can’t blog about the stuff that really affect me emotionally and how I am trying to change instinctive reactions and coping mechanisms of the last almost 40 years and the irreversible impact it has on the relationships with people close to me.  That is just too raw.  Thank God for Etienne, the kids and vodka.

I can’t blog about how much I hate my bathroom scale despite eating the right foods and walking grooves in our neighbourhood street. Oh wait.  That I can blog about.  Fuck.  I hate that bathroom scale, I avoid it like the plague.  And I shall be chucking it out the bathroom window on recommendation of someone whose opinion I value greatly.  (see how I did cryptic right there?)

What is there you don’t blog about, if anything?  What are your big No-No’s?