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Day 15 – Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I am stumped, I can honestly say that I like love what I have and the things I don’t have (a Q7 for example) I’m probably better off without anyway.  But, as they say, it’s easier to cry in a Porsche than a Volla 😛

Day 16 – Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Negativity.  

My wish is that we can ban negativity in any form and stop talking about how terrible things are and rather focus on what we can do to bring about change and be positive and loving in small ways.  And I’m not talking about donating your house to charity.

I mean smiling at the cashier in Pick and Pay or standing aside for a Mom with a pram.  

To adopt animals from welfare and treating someone with respect, even if you are complaining about something.

Taking that extra deep breath when your children just need get out the &(%$# car already in the morning so you don’t shout or sigh.

And telling your partner that you love them and value them, every day. (even though you don’t mean it every day)

OK, enough with the soppy stuff, I’ll be back later with the Noddy party and spider dirt.

Ciao!

EDIT to add:  Just re-read this post and I must say, I think this Christmas shit is going to my head.  But hey.

I should be carrying on with my 30 days of truth, but need to take a break from that.  And I need to get this off my chest.

This year has been a rough year.  I made (what I thought was) a great decision to join a start-up company that went so horribly wrong I don’t even have words to describe it.  Through circumstances and people that believed in me I ended up starting my own business and am juggling a number of commitments, some of which generate an income, all of which I am happy to do.  And I am now in a much MUCH better place than a couple of months ago.

But, it wears you down and make you enormously tired to stay strong and positive and focused and productive.  So, as Luddite Lass wrote earlier in the year, I had several little collywobbles this past month.  Much crying and snapping and general un-easiness just in my own skin and knowing in my heart that I needed to do something drastically to improve my state of mind.

My 2 worst moments were:

1.  crying in the car one morning and Mignon taking and holding my hand and

2.  taking Isabel to the homeopath last week as she wasn’t well, bursting into tears and Isabel saying “Mamma, jy huil”

Up until that point I was under the impression that I was FINE.  I had everything under control, neatly put into little boxes.  In reality however I was an explosion (or a breakdown of monumental proportions) waiting to happen.  So, I ended up making an appointment for myself with my beloved homeopath and she’s given me some stuff to sort me out as I really did not want to go the chemical route.  And I feel 100 000 times better.

What I didn’t realise is how much my children also pick up on my emotions and state of mind as we were in the car yesterday morning and I laughed out loud at something on the radio and Isabel pipes up: “Mammy, jy lag!”

Which, of course, made me want to cry.

So, my dear delicious, fantastically special children, Mommie’s back, promise 🙂 

I’m just not that into hero-worshipping, so I can’t really think of anyone that has let me down.

Sorry!

The obvious answer here is U2 (thanks Shell!), but then I was thinking back to some tough times in my life and there are actually several artists that got me through some really crappy times.  I love music, I love how music can influence your mood.  I think the world would be empty without music.

 

I’m not writing a letter, instead I will elaborate a little on some artists that spring to mind.

 

1. Sinead O’Connor:  Thank you for helping me through a really bad break-up, I still hear “It’s been seven hours and fifteen days” and think back to my post-Matric camp, crying on a bus.

2.  Janis Ian:  When my Mom had cancer and I used to take the dog and go and hide in Kleinmond for a few days just to get away from the sadness and stress so I could go home with a brave heart and a happy face.

3.  Jane Siberry:  When I was sitting on a plane, looking out at The Mountain, about to leave for London, first time away from my family I listened to this song.  It is an AWESOME song and very apt for the Christmas season.   I seem to be technologically challenged tonight, so here is the link to the video and here are the lyrics: (I never ever post song lyrics, but these are worth sharing)

 

Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah 
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica 
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla 
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir 
and all the rest 

a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries 
and high above the church bells start to ring 
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in 
somewhere you can hear a mother sing 

then it’s one foot then the other as you step out onto the road 
how much weight? how much weight? 
then it’s how long? and how far? 
and how many times before it’s too late? 

calling all angels 
calling all angels 
walk me through this one 
don’t leave me alone 
calling all angels 
calling all angels 
we’re cryin’ and we’re hurtin’ 
and we’re not sure why… 

and every day you gaze upon the sunset 
with such love and intensity 
it’s almost…it’s almost as if 
if you could only crack the code 
then you’d finally understand what this all means 

but if you could…do you think you would 
trade in all the pain and suffering? 
ah, but then you’d miss 
the beauty of the light upon this earth 
and the sweetness of the leaving 

calling all angels 
calling all angels 
walk me through this one 
don’t leave me alone 
callin’ all angels 
callin’ all angels 
we’re tryin’ 
we’re hopin’ 
we’re hurtin’ 
we’re lovin’ 
we’re cryin’ 
we’re callin’ 
’cause we’re not sure how this goes

 

There are many more artists, from Alanis to Creed to Brahms and Tom Waits, but I’ll stop now J

I am not a Christmassy person.  I worked in hotels for many years and never really got to spend the Festive Season being Festive, so I was never that into it.  Even when I became a Mom I didn’t really get that into it.

But THIS YEAR I have decided to go big.  You can’t avoid it forever, especially when you have a 4 year old and 2 x 2yr olds in the house.

My first port of call was buying a BoneyM cd.  (I should probably blame Gareth Cliff for this because he played a BoneyM song every day to acclimatise us to the Christmas carols in the shops, but anyhoo.)  Up to this point any form of Christmas cd was pretty much banned because it just gives me the heebiejeebies, but I am clearly over that now.

Tonight we took them to hear a school choir sing Christmas Carols whilst the Nitida Night market was on.  Awesome stuff.  And there was wine.  Naturally.  But only after we arrived with BoneyM booming in the car and freaked out everyone in the parking lot.  The kids loved it!

Next up is the Christmas tree and decorations.  Husband is not allowing me to buy a big-ass Christmas tree (budget constraints), but I might do something crazy like popcorn or pasta decorations.

On Wednesday we are taking them to Vergelegen for more Christmas carols to support the Somerset West Round Table.

Then I’m buying each child an advent calendar.  No, I’m not making them, no time this weekend.  Ok, to be honest I have no idea how and I am well aware of my creative limitations.

Each child has a Christmas stocking.  I might go and buy more.

We are doing Christmas Eve together, just the 5 of us and doing a big lunch on Christmas Day with all the family.  I might even drag my sinning ass off to the local NG Kerk.  (Sins of Christmases passed and all)

We are leaving cookies and milk for Father Christmas and carrots for the reindeer.  I might even go as far as doing the whole flour-with-footsteps-thing as well.

People, I am going big, this year Christmas is not about us, but all for the kids and kids in us old folk.  Suggestions are welcome!

ps:  I’ll have you know that I typed the word “Christmas” 14 15 times in this post.  It’s a bitch of a word to type.

I was going to say ‘my figure’, but that’s a no-brainer!

I never ever ever get complimented on my tact.  Never.  And never will.  And I’m completely fine with it.  I do try and I have learnt that sometimes it is better to just keep quiet, but I’m afraid I was just not put on this earth to be a politician.

So, there you have it.  If you want a straight-up answer I’m your girl and I will try to spare your feelings (promise!), but if you are looking for diplomacy you are knocking at the wrong door.

Click here to see what this is all about

People often comment on my ability to cope with 3 children, running a business, blogging and all the mommy and wife stuff that goes along with life.  And still read books.

And every time someone does I feel like a complete FAKE.  

Truth is, I have been trying to put my life in perspective lately and see how much I do and how much other people do (i.e. my long-suffering husband and the school).  In reality it doesn’t work like that, because then I become a bean-counter of sorts (you know, I did this, so you must do that, tit for tat kind of stuff).  And that’s not how our marriage works.

The only realisation I have come to is that we do the very best we can, every single day.  We, as women and Moms, live in a state of constant guilt and self-flaggelation because we want to be everything to everyone AND then still have a little something for ourselves.

And, shock and horror, it doesn’t work like that.  There really are only so many hours in the day and only so much we can achieve.  We will live in a state of constant compromise and attempting to achieve a balance of sorts. 

Sometimes we will get it right and sometimes we will shout because we are late in the morning.

BUT

 

when we get up the next morning we will once again commit to being the best we can.

 

Because, in the end, isn’t that all that really matters?

 

 

ps.  I didn’t start this post off all serious, I am quite surprised at how it turned out.  But hey, it’s done.

I’m so stuck into the 30 days of Truth I haven’t done a proper post in ages!

So, just a quick pop-in, update and pic share:

Dischem on Sunday.  When we arrived they demanded a trolley each.  I have no words.  It was ugly. 

Feeding ducks at Granny’s house: 

Yesterday in Pick and Pay.  This is after Daniel cried because Isabel had the ENVELOPE of a party invite.  Heartbreaking SOBS in the middle of the shop.  And then, when I convinced her to give it to him he promptly chucked it in the trolley.  Sigh.

These photo’s are self-explanatory.  

Click here if you are curious what this is about.

The person I am thinking of I let go a longlonglong time ago and is still the cause of many jokes within my circle of long-standing friends. ‘shudder’

He is an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me in rather extravagant fashion with a fellow colleague.  Oh, and we also worked together.  And lived together. (Hotels are incestuous to say the least)

He then went on to pursue a career in politics which he failed at miserably, God knows where he is now.  I know he still lives in Cape Town and I ran into him a few years ago at a big event.  I mustered a polite nod and didn’t lean over and smack him against the head as I should have done all those years ago.

What a blessing in disguise that was, otherwise my life would have been very different!

And NO, I’m not telling you who he is.

Click here to see what this is about.

My first words were going to be “when I was young” and then I had a complete wobbly because I realised that I really knew this person “when I was young”.

She is my friend Kim, she was the person that kicked me out of my comfort zone and convinced me to get on a plane and go to London.  I’m talking 1994.  (See, I told you it was a long time ago!)

We were soulmates and pretty much spent the first few months in London together 24/7.  We shared a really crappy bedsit that was just big enough for 2 single beds and a bathroom and a kitchenette in a closet.  She then moved in with a boyfriend and I shared a flat with some other friends.

She ended up marrying her boyfriend and they stayed in London and then moved to Tokyo and then on to Florence where she studied art.

She followed her dream to become a painter and she is amazing.  She has traveled all over the world and has met some of the most amazing people and has had an all-round fabulous life so far. Click here to see her website, you won’t be sorry! 

We have stayed in touch over the years and she recently came back to live in Cape Town, invited me to an exhibition and I have to (shamefully) admit I didn’t go and haven’t seen her since she’s been back, even though we have spoken.  (Sick kids, too busy, husband working late.  There’s always something)

She has always been a wonderful friend and I have probably been reluctant to see her because I am not nearly as fabulous or skinny or interesting as I used to be, but doing this post has made me realise that I’m probably just being petty, so I’ll make a plan soon 🙂