I’m just going to come right out and say it: I’m not a fan of kiddy movies. To me they’re something going on in the background whilst I’m busy doing something else. I miss being able to go to the movies by myself, hog all the popcorn and not having to speak to anyone for 2 hours. An added bonus is if I can squeeze in a proper ugly cry, that’s good value for money.
Don’t get me wrong, I comprehend that taking your kids to the movies is a treat for them in the name of family time and there’s no way either Etienne or myself can attempt to take more than one child at a time yet, but there’s always something.
Take today for example.
We took the kids to see the new Smurfs movie.
(At this point I should add that getting all 3 to the same movie today was an exercise in negotiation that would have put the UN to shame. One wanted to watch Turbo, one didn’t want to watch in 3D and the other didn’t want to go with her brother)
It started with buying the tickets when my brand spanking new debit card didn’t work, I had to redo the transaction and the machine gave me completely different tickets than I asked for which meant climbing over 3 people to get to our seats. Never a good idea with children.
The whole cool drink-popcorn-buying thing also fills me with anxiety. I have a quiet little scream every time a child waves around their plastic cup and straw whilst clutching popcorn under other arm. This is because I’m notorious for knocking over popcorn and drinks in movies, so I’m nervous to see who got the clumsy gene.
We climb over the 3 people and sit down.
Isabel demands one of those loose seats.
I get up to and look for one, climbing over the 3 people.
Not a seat in sight.
I come back climb over the same 3 people and say that I can’t find one.
Isabel is unhappy.
Etienne decides to go and look for the seat, climbing over 3 of us and the other 3 people.
Whilst he is gone I take the 3D glasses out of my bag and hand them out. Daniel shuffles closer and before I can say ‘please could someone stick pens in my eyes’ he politely kicks over Etienne’s popcorn because he has his eyes glued to the big screen.
Etienne returns with a seat for Isabel, climbs over the 3 people and 3 of us and I break the popcorn news to him. He is not happy.
I ask Isabel to get up so I can slip the seat under her bum, only she gets up too quickly, bumps into my arm and snaps her 3D glasses. I do what any self-respecting parent does that hates a scene: I get up to buy another pair, climbing over the 3 people.
Of course there’s a huge queue at the ticket counter, so there I wait patiently, grinding my teeth, so I can buy a pair of 3D glasses.
Eventually, shortly before the end of the movie, I get back and climb over the 3 people and hand over Isabel’s glasses.
We watch 5 minutes and Isabel reaches to take out her cool drink. She promptly drops it on the floor. Cream soda everywhere. At least most of it got sucked up by Etienne’s popcorn already on the floor.
I also had the largest of the 3 people sitting next to me, so every time I went to pick up my drink my hand would brush their thigh. Awesome.
The movie? It was cool, but I struggle to sit in one place for so long with nothing else to do.
At least I managed to write most of this post in my head by the end of it.