As the oldest child Daniel has always been remarkably good natured and mostly accepted the arrival of his sisters in his stride. I often comment on his angelic behaviour and his downright awesomeness. Besides my own guilt for various reasons and his ongoing eczema and allergies which I am convinced must be in some way all my fault and linked to his emotions.
Until lately. Lately he has become quite the foot-stomping whiner at the ripe old age of 5 and a half.
As a rule we have a zero tolerance approach to tantrums. And I mean ZERO tolerance. We encourage the kids to express what it is they want (or so we thought) (smugly), thereby eliminating this unseemly behaviour. And I can tell you exactly why we are like this:
We were in Kingston in a Borders Bookshop in 2004, way before we had children and I vividly remember this huge table in the entrance to the store. I remember this specific table as it had a child of undisclosed age lying under the table and throwing the tantrum to end all tantrums. Her parents, with another baby in a pram, had that petrified deer-in-the-headlights look about them. There was a Starbucks coffee shop inside Borders, conveniently located very close to the entrance and we were in no rush, so we decided to watch the scene unfold with a mixture of awe and horror. To say those parents were freaked out would be an epic understatement.
They did the whole bending-down-and-reasoning-with-errant-child approach.
Then they did the hissing-warnings-of-dire-consequences approach.
Then they kind of desperately hung around waiting for their child to miraculously emerge from under the table.
Then they stalked out of the shop full of bravado and hid around the corner, hoping the child would run out after them.
Before each action there were hushed negotiation between the poor parents. And for the duration of the performance the child Did Not Stop For A Second.
In the end the Dad stomped back in and simply dragged the screaming child out from under the table and disappeared down the road.
So, having seen this scene unfold we promised each other that this would simply not be tolerated. Ever. And up until now we have done pretty well.
Up until now.
Suddenly Daniel has mastered the Whining Tantrum. It is completely random and not set off by a specific thing that we can establish and as much as we roll our eyes and try to ignore him it is truly unbearable.
Until now we haven’t really taken it seriously and have mollycoddled him through it, but tonight we had finally had enough. We left him huddled in his room, whining away (I know, just slap me, BAD Mother) and ignored him until he was done. No bed-time story for him, which caused another flood of whining, but now all is quiet. And he even came out for a cuddle and a kiss when he was finished.
And all I can think is: what am I doing wrong? Is he feeling unloved/unheard/lonely/scared/rejected and I’m not dealing with it in a positive way? Or he simply just full of shit? Or is it just age appropriate for boys?
What do you think?
Edit to add: Look what I just found in our bed. How can you not adore this?
((((HUGS))))
Its probably an age thing.
Its definitely NOT something you have/have not done!!!!!
(((hugs)))
Thanks Gina, I knew you would understand 🙂
I’d send him to his room/quiet place to gather his thoughts. Wait it out. And when he has collected himself and is calmer, ask him what he needs. In the moment of frustration he probably won’t remember what he was even crying or whining for. When he’s calm he might be able to articulate it better.
And kids go through difficult/frustrating periods all the time. Hell, I think I do too. Sometimes I just don’t have the words either and a good cry helps.
Xxx big kiss
Definitely not something you are doing.
Sam also chucks a wobbly now and again,we send her off to her room to chill and when she’s calmed down she can express what’s up.I think it’s an age thing where their emotions run away with themselves and they struggle to express themselves.
Sterkte and big hugs….these too will pass(and then the girls can take over..lol)
Nope – they all do it sometime or another. The Princess had a few tantrums (very early in life I must say) and hubby mimmicked her – work like a charm, She saw she looked rediculous and stopped. C was never into the throw yourself on the floor type of tantrums – more a low level whining type and he has mostly outgrown it. We also copied him – worked so well. Now, he comes to you and if you do a quick cuddle he just stops. Ignoring him works like magic too. L was another kettle of fish totally – he can not come out of a tantrum. Ignoring does not work. You have to physically hold him so tight that it almost hurts – or he goes into his little tantrum tent intpo his calm space – and becomes happy again. But his is related to his SID, so not the usual thing. So maybe try ignoring, or get funny and cupy him!
Definitely an age thing and nothing that you are doing. Ignoring our Child2 doesn’t work. We hold him tight and occasionally we may send him to his room to calm down and gather his thoughts.
Hang in there, this too shall pass.
x