Infertility and Baby Showers

I was reading this giveaway post on Melinda Connor’s blog earlier today and I was taken right back to when we were in that suspended state of Infertility.  Because you really live in suspension.  That state where you never stop dreaming about a miracle, fear being confronted with other people’s joy and self-hatred because your body has failed you so miserably and you really just want to be pissed off at all the people that are having babies.  Horror at the amount of people having abortions, even though I support the fact that they had a choice to terminate it just hurt that we were battling so much.  I constantly felt like the Scarlet Woman, like people would look at me and judge me for not falling pregnant at the drop of a hat.

We were lucky in that we knew what the problem was (my manky tubes) and what our option was (IVF only).  But there were no guarantees that IVF would work for us.

One of the hardest things for me was all the babyshowers as all my friends seemed to be having babies in the 3 years we were falling around.  I missed out on a LOT of babyshowers.  I once even bought a gift for the Mom and got Etienne to drop it off at her house.  I felt really shitty, but I couldn’t bear the thought of it.  And you know what?  Most of my friends understood and gave me the space to deal with things as I saw fit.

I have to write this post, because if you are reading this and you are battling infertility I want you to know it’s ok.  Take all the time and space you need and don’t feel obliged to accept invitations to events that will leave you drained and upset for days after unless they are really important.  It’s not worth it.  Life is too short.

BUT.  Be polite and tell the people that matter why it’s hard for you.  You owe them that.

One thought on “Infertility and Baby Showers”

  1. Thank you for writing this post for three reasons:
    1. so I could enter the giveaway – lol!
    2. so I could read Melinda’s blog and sign up to read it more
    3. so other people who are battling the fertility demon know that it’s ok to skip baby showers if it hurts too much. I did go to baby showers in those dark years and I was happy to celebrate with the mummy-to-be but afterwards there was always a sobbing and body-berating session. The worst one was a friend who worked at a midwife practice. Every single person there except me was either pregnant, had a baby or children or was a professional midwife! I kept my mouth full of teatime treats so I couldn’t speak to anyone!

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