Category: The Parenting stuff

In snot and sleep

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It might just be because it is September and our 12 year wedding anniversary is at the end of the month, but I’m feeling even more in love with Etienne than I normally do. He really is quite the keeper.

I also realized something yesterday that I have probably known all along, but just refused to accept because I somehow thought it would make me less of a Mother.

Picture this: Mignon wasn’t well over the weekend and I had my usual little anxiety attack about what we were going to do come Monday if she wasn’t well enough to go to school (this relates to a post about infertility and PND that’s been sitting in my drafts for a while, it might be time to publish that one)

The bottom line for me has always been that I, as the Mom, carry the burden of worry about sick children.

On Sunday night Etienne and I had our usual conversation about sick-child-care. We like to always have a plan (and sometimes a Plan B and C) upfront so that we have our heads around things should we need to and not be running around like decapitated chickens come Monday morning. Oh, who am I kidding, Mondays suck enough as it is.

We used to do this Plan A. B and C thing when the kids were small, a pre-arranged plan or plans especially for the nights we knew that little sleep was inevitable. And we stick to the plan, there is safety in the plan and safety of creating options for ourselves. I’m not sure if any of this makes sense?

Anyway, it finally dawned on me yesterday that I am not the only parent that worries when our babies are sick. There are TWO of us that worry and Etienne is more than capable of taking care of sick children and always has been.

How have I missed this for so long? Why did I think I had an exclusive right to being a worrier?

PS Isabel told Daniel she that was going to kill him with a fart yesterday morning. Aren’t our children just charming?

PPS Isabel is now also sick and we haven’t really slept since Friday. We are both feeling a little fragile.

An Experiment in Television

This picture was not taken this week.

So we had ourselves a little experiment this week, but before you continue reading you have to promise you won’t judge me for what I am about to tell you. Capice?

We didn’t plan it or anything, it just kind of happened and we are, to say the least, completely blown away.

Here’s what happened:

The rule in our house is no TV or computers before 17h00. Until then it is proper play-time and bath-time and we relish using this as a tool to get children into the bath.

Etienne gets home way before I do, so by the time I arrive my absolutely fantastic husband is cooking supper and the kids are firmly ensconced either in front of the TV or playing something on the computer. This means that when I come waltzing in to say hello I get a grunt in my general direction if I’m lucky. Etienne is the only one that will greet me with a proper hello and a smooch.

This irritates me no end. (the lack of greeting, not the smooch. I love smooching, but that’s another post)

It however does not irritate me as much as the wailing whining crying stomping of feet tantrums do Every Single Night when we gather at the dinner table, promptly at 6h30pm, especially Daniel. It got to the point where we threatened to summarily send them on a time-out if we heard a single peep of protest. Along with the usual speech of how Daddy slaved very hard to make a lovely supper (I know, he’s SUCH a keeper!) and the hungry children in Ethiopia story and threats of no snack after supper and so on and so forth.

Painful doesn’t even begin to describe some nights, I can only imagine what it does to our digestive systems.

What really made me think was this link my awesome friend Caz sent me and that there must be some correlation between that completely irrational, completely over-the-top-emotional behavior and the sensory input overload of electronic appliances. That and the fact that I hatehatehate drama. There is also a book available on the topic.

So we decided to try something, and by WE I mean ME, I ambushed Etienne and bullied him until he agreed. Well, mostly anyway.

I suggested we cancel computer and TV for a week.

I know, how cruel am I? After some negotiation we settled on no computer games and 1 hour of TV a day for this week.

Monday night I came home to 3 children running around the house laughing and screaming like maniacs.

Tuesday night I came home to 3 children chasing each other around and around laughing and screaming like maniacs.

Wednesday night I came home to 3 children crawling around on the kitchen floor, chasing each other and screaming and laughing like maniacs.

Last night I came home to 3 children doing laps up and down the passage and around the lounge and, you guessed it, screaming and laughing like maniacs.

The only common denominator was Etienne’s face every night I walked in the door: an odd mix of terror and exasperation. (as a side note, he was waiting for me in the garage last night, he has twigged on to the fact that I tweet in the garage for 5 4 3 2 1 a minute before venturing into the house)

Supper time? A breeze. There was still a little whining, but not on the scale it used to be and they actually sat at the table for the duration of the event and didn’t run off at the first available opportunity to sit in front of a TV that is off anyway. AND they actually ate their damn food.

We need to decide where to from here, but it is almost summer and there is absolutely no reason for them to spend so much time in front of computers and the TV, but we need to be strong. And by WE I mean ETIENNE as he spends more time with them in the evenings than I do. (Love you babes!)

What are your house rules about TV and Computers/Tablets if any?

The story of the Crucifixion

This is too good not to share.

The kids each get to choose a book at night.  Unless it’s a really long story, in which case we either skip through the story really quickly and often get caught out or read only one story.  But I digress.

Tonight there was, in order, Scaredy-cat Splat (Daniel), the Children’s Bible (Isabel) and Pigwitchery (Mignon).  An eclectic mix to start off with, but hey.

I finish off the first book and brace myself for the inevitable choice of Bible story: The story of the Crucifixion. Since we told and read them the whole story of Easter (at Easter, 5 months ago) they have had a rather morbid fascination with the whole thing.  This is fine, but I was kinda hoping we could start thinking about the happy story of Christmas by now. Alas.

Tonight’s conversation went as follows:

  • Isabel: I want the story with Jesus and the crown.
  • Me: The story of how Jesus died on the cross?
  • I: Yes
  • Mignon: Why did Jesus die on the cross?
  • Me: Because he died for our sins. (cringing a little, knowing that I haven’t exactly been living on the doorstep of our local NG Church)
  • M: But why did he die?
  • Me: Because he died for all our sins.
  • M: But why did he have to die?
  • Me: Because his Daddy said so. (I know, shoot me now)
  • Daniel: And then came the clouds.
  • Me: “confused face” You mean then we went up to heaven?
  • D: But first the angels came to fetch him.
  • Me: Er. Yes.
  • I: Mom, can we get the movie?
  • Me: (trying to wangle my way out of an inevitable purchase) I’m not sure there is a movie of the crucifixion.
  • All 3 kids: Oh yes!  There is!
  • I: We saw it at school!
  • M: Why does Jesus have blood on his hands?
  • Me: (really, really reluctantly, already worried about nightmares) Because that’s where the nails went in when they crucified Jesus.
  • Little silence.
  • M: That’s really sad.
  • Me: Yes.  That was really sad.

And then we moved on to Pigwitchery.  Swiftly.

Keeping calm

I don’t know what it is with shit happening whenever Etienne has to go away.  You might remember what happened back in June, so you can understand that I get a little nervous.

We received an sms from our domestic worker at 9h30PM on Sunday night: she doesn’t think she is coming to work because of the strike.  We had heard rumours about a possible strike, and from previous experience I know that to get out of Khayelitsha when there is trouble isn’t pleasant.

But still, Etienne was going to be away last night and I was looking forward to just spending time with the kids, not running around like a mad thing trying to get washing, cooking and cleaning done deep into the night tonight.  But thankfully she arrived yesterday.

I’m feeling like I suffer from a little PTSD with everything that has gone on in the last few months.  I just need a month where there is no drama and no-one is sick or has broken arms.  Pretty please with a cherryon top, I promise to be good.  I need to calm down just a little and start walking again for the welfare of my mind.

This morning I looked out the kitchen window and for the first time since forever saw the sun reflect off the vineyards before we leave the house in the morning.  I had this feeling that took me a while to realize was optimism that winter was actually going to pass. (yes, unheard of that I would complain about winter, but dammit, my feet have been cold for the last 3 months and I’m miserable when my feet are cold).

Daniel’s also going through a whole personality “thing” at the moment and is completely ignoring any instruction I give him, it feels like I constantly have Etienne intervening in basic stuff like getting “his” son into the bath.  Very tiring and downright boring.

I really needed to get them dressed and out the house as I had 2 drop-offs today (after a less-than-ideal night of sleep), so he comes waltzing into the kitchen at 06h15: Mom, I need an insect for school.

Into the playroom we go, no luck, no plastic insects except for a pink butterfly that he knew wasn’t a good idea to take to school. (more about this later).  They eventually found the smallest, most suspect-looking thing, under our bed that promptly got stuffed into a container.  Job done.

The girls proved once again on Saturday that I can take them anywhere and they will pretty much be ok.  I was lucky enough to meet the lovely @laurenallot and her brood and also got to introduce the girls to @mingbean’s kids, and after the initial limpet-stage they were quite happy to play.  It did help that Lauren’s house is the most childfriendly house I have ever been to, everyone had a ball.

On the way
there us girls had a chat in the car.  I’m always amazed at what the kids remember, often really random stuff that obviously got stuck in their minds.  In the car Mignon wanted to know why I helped my folks move and Etienne had to stay with them, months ago.  I tried to explain to them that when your parents get older it is your responsibility to take care of them and that one day when Daddy and myself were old that they would also want to help us.

A little silence.

Isabel pipes up: But Mom, you are already old!

Sigh.

School concert..

I wrote about our shaky track record with school concerts yesterday and I think it is safe to say that our run of horrific bad interesting concerts have come to an end as far as Daniel is concerned.

There are 8 classes in Daniel’s grade, 4 Afrikaans and 4 English and they split it so that the Afrikaans concert was last night and the English concert is next week. Thank goodness they did, the school hall was packed with parents and grandparents, including our motley crew.

I was hugely impressed by the production, our son made us very, very proud and I may or may not have gotten a little teary. But I’m not saying. He danced like a pro with his partner despite his cast and it definitely helped that he couldn’t see us in the crowd of people and cameras. In fact, those kids were all awesome last night, every single one of them. It struck me that they are real people now, no longer chubby toddlers. This made me a little sad.

The girls also loved it and lasted very well, despite a little mutiny about 10 minutes before the end (Mammmmaaaa, ek wil huis toe gaaaaan!) They passed out as soon as we got home.

I also realised that we are a lot less “Afrikaans” than a lot of the people there and more than a little horrified that our children all left the hall singing Baby Tjoklits and begging for the CD. Only slightly more horrified than realising that all 3 of them knew the words already.

But, Afrikaans we are and Afrikaans we shall embrace, we owe it to them.

Where are the pictures I hear you say.

Well. Funny story.

Daniel’s painting of Love

The light was really bad and the video recording I made of Daniel’s performance bombed out.

But I took this really lovely, completely overexposed and utterly un-rescueable pic of a painting he made. You’re welcome.

Every single child made a painting that related to the theme of their individual dance (Daniel’s group did Love) and all the painting were pasted up against the walls of the hall and looked really beautiful.

What does the painting mean? I have no idea, but his was the only one with a sun. So there.

Lovebombing Episode 2 ish

On Friday night, after careful consideration of bugs and broken arms, we decided to go ahead with our plan.  Daniel went to my parents and Mignon off to Etienne’s folks.

It went really well until 6h30 (pm) when Etienne’s Mom called: Mignon wants to come home, she wants Mommy.  I must confess, I was more than a little flattered, so I zipped over to collect her.  It actually worked out well, Isabel still got to choose who she wanted to read to her (me) and who she wanted to go to the movies with (me).  We left Daniel with my Mom a little later on Saturday and Etienne took Mignon to see a movie as well as next weekend is a little busy, so it worked out well.

Yes, there is a pattern emerging.  My children need more of me, all of them.  And they all need individual, undivided attention, so we need to put our heads together and work within the time we have every day and over weekends to have family time and individual time and couple time and friend time and alone time.

I just have no idea how to divide what little time we have already to give more to our children.

I DO know that they need it, I can see the difference in them immediately.

How do you divvy up your time so that there is enough for everyone?  Do you think it is even possible?

Let’s talk about yesterday

If you follow me on FB or twitter you know by now that yesterday was not a particularly lovely day.

In fact, yesterday was pretty shit.

On Tuesday Isabel had a bit of a runny tummy and Mignon had a bit of a runny nose.  By yesterday morning Isabel was puking and Mignon was breathing from her stomach.  I seriously thought we were going to end up in hospital, I had nee-naa-nee-naa sounds in my head.

So, we did The Big Schedule Juggle and kept the girls home and I managed to get an early appointment with our GP for Mignon so I could quickly take her and still get to work at a reasonable hour, we could leave them with our domestic lady for a couple of hours and Etienne would do the afternoon shift.

As I’m standing in the chemist waiting for the truckload of medicine my phone rings.  Our domestic lady at home, the power is out.  Whilst I’m watching Mignon take random things off the shelves, wanting to know what they are for and ask tell me to buy them (I really didn’t need any vaginal creams at that point) I try and figure out what could be wrong.  The conversation went something like this:

  • Me: Is the electricity completely off
  • Domestic Worker: Yes
  • Me: When did it go off?
  • DW: Just now
  • Me: What were you doing when it went off?
  • DW: When the toaster was on.
  • Me: Did it go off when you switched the toaster on or when it was already on?
  • DW: (thinks a while) Yes
  • Me:  (sigh) Don’t worry, I’m on my way.

I finally make it home, sort Mignon’s vast collection of drugs out, check on Isabel, sort out the electricity (Turns out the plug of the toaster made the plugs in the house trip, everything else was working), jump in the car and pull away with screaming tyres.

I made it halfway to work, only to realise that in my haste I had left my laptop at home.  I may or may not have said fuck several times whilst doubling back home.

Eventually I make it to work and play catch-up until I get a call from Etienne.  One of those “Now please don’t panic” calls.  Daniel had fallen off the jungle gym at school and they are “a little” worried, so he will have a look.

Eventually he calls back, he is rather taking him for x-rays.  By this stage I had of course already called the GP’s offices again to find out what the procedure would be for in case he does need a xray.  I had absolutely no idea whether he would need a referral letter.  As it turns out the Emergency room wasn’t too busy and they could help Etienne pretty quickly whilst I was mentally wringing my hands at work, doing the usual guilt schpiel in my head about not being there when my child needs me, even though his Dad is perfectly capable of dealing with it.  But still. My poor baby.

Our very unhappy boy.

He has broken both bones in his right arm, just before his wrist, but luckily they are greenstick fractures.  He is in a half-cast with bandages until Tuesday to check for swelling and then they will put the real cast on.  He was in a lot of pain last night, the poor thing.  We felt very helpless on his behalf.

Thank goodness the girls are on the mend and Daniel is having fun being dressed, bathed, his food cut, his bum wiped and his teeth brushed for him.

Pass the wine please.

ps: any suggestions of things I can put on his skin to avoid at least some of the itching when they put the cast on?  Do people still use baby powder for that?

 

 

Love Bombing – Episode 1

Friday night was our first Love-bomb Friday in the series of 3 and here are some observations (Daniel was with us, Mignon at my Mom’s house and Isabel with Etienne’s folks):

The Man. On the way to drop his sister off at Granny.
  1. 1 child is A LOT more quiet than 3.  As in, there was an echo in our house.  The silence was awesome and horrifying in equal measure.
  2. That echo was however filled by Daniel’s really bad, open-mouthed chewing.  I’m now wondering if he always eats like this and I just haven’t noticed it?  Are the girls really THAT noisy at night that it masks this horrific sound?
  3. There is also a very real possibility that the kids really just need to spend one-on-one time with me. Daniel wanted me to do most things with him, including going to see Ice Age 4 on Saturday morning.  I love being with him, but I’m not a fan of animation (as in: I would rather stick pens in my eyes) so I was a little surprised when I actually enjoyed the movie.  He was in his element, chewing his popcorn and smarties (eek!) and, wait for it, Crème Soda (triple eek!!)
  4. Children are very quick to take a gap.  I was also dragged into a toy shop in Tygervalley where I was promptly instructed to buy stuff.  This did not end very well, partly for my bank account, but mostly for Daniel.
  5. Don’t for one millisecond think that they will sleep later because they are by themselves.  We thought he would sleep until at least 7h30, so imagine our horror when he reported to our room, wide awake, at 5h40.  We were not amused.
  6. On the topic of sleeping, apparently not much of it was done by Mignon at my Mom’s house as she was awake at 04h45.  Saturday evening was great fun.  NOT.  They were a gaggle of hysterical screamers until they eventually passed out at 8pm.  My ears are still ringing.

BUT

Yesterday morning I heard Daniel being really kind to his sisters when they were getting dressed, like I haven’t heard him in a while and I knew that we had made the right decision to do this.  They already seem a little more content, so let’s see.

This coming Friday Mignon is going to Etienne’s folks, Daniel to my folks and Isabel with us.  I strongly suspect I shall be seeing Brave 2 Saturdays in a row.  All for a good cause!

Then: On Sunday we had some friends over for lunch we haven’t seen in ages and it was a lovely “kuier”.  I wanted something that you could put in the oven and slow-cook so that we could enjoy our friends and not be in the kitchen the whole time.  We (and by “we” I mean “Etienne”) ended up making the most delicious Pork Shoulder Casserole straight off Jane-Anne Hobbs’ blog that was a massive hit.  To say “I love her blog” would be a monumental understatement.  We made our entire Christmas Lunch off her blog about 2 years ago and whenever I want to make something I inevitably find the perfect, idiot-proof recipe on her blog.  She recently published her book and I shall be laying my grubby paws on a copy very soon.  Can’t wait!

A serious stack of pancakes!

For dessert on Sunday I also wanted to do pancakes with decadent sauces, so I found a Caramel Sauce Recipe and a All-American Hot Fudge Sauce to make.  I don’t own a candy thermometer, so the caramel sauce wasn’t perfect, but the Hot Fudge Sauce was sinful. Hint: they were NOT diet-friendly.  A BIG thank you to P and N that made a huge stack of pancakes!

 

Lovebombing 2012 style

I mentioned in this post a few days ago that we were wanting to try something, but we wanted to chat to our kids first to see if they were keen, which we knew they would be, but we wanted to think through and explain our plan properly first.

What am I talking about? Lovebombing.

My awesome friend Tertia did some lovebombing last year and I have been thinking about it on and off since then.

We are in the lucky situation where we still have 2 full sets of parents, although Etienne’s folks are a lot older than my parents (his Dad is 81 and his Mom is of undisclosed age not far off) and we can’t leave too small kids with them as it’s not fair toward them.  My folks are almost 20 years younger and the kids have spent the odd night there.

The weird thing was, when I mentioned my plan Etienne had been thinking along the same lines, so it can’t be too bad.  Right?

So, here’s the plan:

We are going to rotate kids between ourselves and the 2 sets of Grandparents for the next 3 Friday nights.  That way every child will have the undivided attention and love of 2 adults that are close family, 3 Fridays in a row.  The child that is with us can choose what they want to eat for supper, what movie they would like to watch, etc. and will probably end up in bed with us. (who am I kidding, the other 2 will get exactly the same VIP treatment where they are going)

We will then take ‘our’ child to do whatever they want to do on a Saturday morning, be it lying on the couch or going to the movies with us and collect the other 2 from their respective grandparents by lunchtime on Saturday.

The only hiccup I foresee is the girls staying with Etienne’s folks by themselves as they’ve never stayed there overnight and I’m not convinced that they cope well on their own.  (Funny enough Mignon copes better by herself than Isabel does when Isabel appears to be the more dominant twin.)

BUT.

We think that the individual attention is just what they need at the moment and they are very keen for now.

So, this Friday Daniel is first with us, Mignon at my folks and Isabel with Etienne’s folks.  Then, depending on how that goes, we will juggle the next week.

Watch this space…

ps: they were so excited tonight that they have already started packing

pps: the girls have been told that they can’t go to Etienne’s folks if they can’t wipe their own bums.  How’s that for an incentive?

Musical beds

Lately the kids have been playing musical beds.
First the girls wanted to sleep in our bed, which they didn’t, it was all fun and games until someone cried.

And then Daniel joined the game.

So we make them take turns.
Theoretically 1 child can fall asleep in our bed per night. Etienne threatens to despatch them back to their own bed if we hear as much as a peep from our room, so every night we only have to fight to get 2/3 of our kids to go to sleep.

But the other 2 give us a good run for our money.

Daniel wants to sleep in Isabel’s bed, Isabel sleeps in Mignon’s bed and Mignon in our bed.
Or.
Isabel in our bed, Daniel in Mignon’s bed and Mignon in Daniel’s bed.
Or.
Daniel in our bed, Isabel in his bed and Mignon in Isabel’s bed.
Very confusing, I know, stay with me.

The options are endless and it’s always fun to sneak down the passage when we go to bed and see where the mighty have fallen.

This is besides the usual orders for water, blankets, last stories, hugs and kisses and high fives. And if you are able to walk after being jumped on and having your back rearranged during reading time.

But my very very favourite thing was when Daniel came into the lounge to inform us that he was kicking Mignon out of his bed as Isabel was in our bed. (stay with me!)
As he struts away he turns around, points to his eyes with 2 fingers and at us and says: ‘I will make you a deal’. All Mr Bossypants.
We were on the floor, unable not to laugh.

This after Isabel wanted to know from me the other night when she would be old enough to have boobs.

Sigh.

Look at this face last night, be still my beating heart.

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